The show begins with Anne Darwin (Monica Dolan) sitting quietly in the corner of her prison cell. John Darwin (Eddie Marsan) is being transported in a paddy wagon.

Anne meets with her solicitor (Karina Fernandez). She questions how long her prison sentence will be.

Det Supt Tony Hutchinson (Deka Walmsley) speaks with DS Paul Sampson (Andrew Lancel), and DC Phil Bayley (Karl Pilkington). Hutchinson suggests putting Anne and John in different interrogation rooms.

Bayley informs John that his and Anne’s versions of events will be compared. John points out that Anne cannot understand sophisticated financial affairs. He describes her brain as having one cell. Bayley asks if he is referring to his wife who he has been married, for 34 years. He laughs.

Anne tells the detective that she filed John’s life insurance claim while she believed he was dead. He questions why the delay in providing an answer. Her solicitor reminds him that she provided an answer. Anne claims John reappeared after the claim had been filed and before the insurer paid out.

John says he reappeared after Anne received his life insurance payout. Bayley says he thought he couldn’t remember. He claims to not remember the month. Bayley asks him to clarify that he couldn’t remember the month, but it was after the insurer cut Anne a check. When Bayley asks if he knows what month the insurer closed his life insurance claim, John says, “Nice try.” He assures him that Anne already came clean about him never having amnesia. John says she is incorrect.

Anne claims John told her that he faked his death. Sampson asks if John informed her of where he would be staying. She says no. He questions why she didn’t report John to the police. She tells him that John warned her the insurance company would demand the money be repaid. She says their plan was to get enough money from the sale of their properties to repay the insurance payout.

John assures Bayley the purpose of his return was to repay his insurer. He accuses the press and the police of foiling his plan. Bayley asks if his play to repay the money why buy property in Panama. John refuses to comment.

Sampson asks Anne why she did what John wanted her to. She assures him that she should have told the police and Anthony “Ant” Darwin (Dominic Applewhite) and Mark Darwin (Mark Stanley), but John threatened to tell them she knew about it from the very start. She describes John as being “forceful.” He pleads with her, to be honest about knowing all along. Anne’s solicitor suggests they move forward to the next question.

Bayley reminds John that his life insurance policies were established three months prior to his disappearance. John says, “You tell me.” Bayley informs him that the police discovered a file “Missing Persons and Police Investigations” on his computer. John suggests it could’ve been one of his sons. Bayley tells him that the police know it was downloaded one month prior to his disappearance. John describes his question as “tricky.”

Sampson shows Anne a Hartlepool Library card for John Jones. He asks her to identify the photo on the card. She identifies the man as her husband, John.

John points out that John Jones has a beard. He refuses to identify himself in the library card photo. Bayley tells him the library approved the card only four weeks after his disappearance. He points out it is his home address on the library card. John reminds him that it belongs to John Jones, not him.

Anne denies that John was residing in number four immediately after he was reported missing. Sampson questions if Ant and Mark were involved in John’s fake death scheme. She assures him that they had no part in it. He tells her money was transferred to her son’s accounts. He threatens to have Mark and Ant brought in to be interrogated if she refuses to tell the truth.

The solicitor speaks with Anne about bail, which she refuses. Anne denies having a place to stay if she was out on bail. She is escorted to the paddy wagon.

Ant tells Mark he moved in there while his wife is staying with her mother due to a large number of reporters outside his home. He reminds him of how they supported their mother when they were brokenhearted. He tells him that his feelings for Anne are close to being hate. He points out that John lied to them once while Anne told them lies daily for over five years. Anne is being processed into prison. An officer (Andrea Kristian) strip searches her. Ant is questioning if Anne and John really loved them. Anne is locked inside her cell. John sits alone in his cell.

A woman read John’s dad a letter from him. The letter reads “Dear dad, just to let you know, please don’t worry.”

Anne speaks to John who assures her that she has no idea what it is like for an ex-prison guard in prison. Frustrated, he claims to have been verbally and physically abused. He tells her that it is much more difficult for him than for her.

In narration, Anne says prison was just a difficult for her. She says losing her sons felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She writes her sons to apologize for what she has done to them. She describes her actions as “inexplicable” and “unforgivable.” She professes her love for them. Ant tears the letter up and tosses it into a waste bin. Mark cries as he reads Anne’s letter. They never responded to her letters. She decides to come clean about everything.

Anne confesses to Sampson. She admits to lying about everything. He asks if she was aware of his plan before he went missing. She says John was waiting on her at North Gare Beach. She transported him to Durham Station. She says he lived in a tent for several weeks and when he returned home, he floated between two of their houses for the next five years. She apologizes for what she has done.

John confesses to Bayley. He admits to faking his own death and everything thing else.

John is permitted to visit Anne. After they embrace, he tries to make out with her, but an officer orders him out of the cell. Before he leaves, he forgives her.

Anne’s mother (Carrie Cohen) reads a letter from Anne. Anne’s brother (Colin R. Campbell) and father (Ellis Jones) are present.

Anne’s solicitor suggests she is not guilty if she can prove John coerced her. She denies he ever harmed. Her attorney points out that he emotionally abused her for years. Anne asks what her prison sentence would be if she pleads guilty. Her attorney says about three years and up to 4-1/2 years, with a not guilty plea if found guilty. She assures her it is possible she could walk out a free woman if they can convince the court she was coerced.

Anne visits her mother and father in prison. She narrates how her parents said they would love her no matter what.

Anne admits to her attorney that John forced her to go along with his fake death scheme. She agrees to plead not guilty. John pled guilty.

The Judge (Luis Soto) explains to the jury that Anne claims John coerced her into taking part in his scheme. He says to validate her claim, John must’ve been present every time she committed an offense. The Crown plans to prove Anne actively and willingly committed a crime. She is described as an “ingenious liar.” He tells the jury to carefully assess the real estate photo of John and Anne in Panama. He asks them if Anne looks a frightened or willing participant.

Mark testifies about John who he describes as a “great dad.” The Prosecution Barrister (Gerard Horan) asks Anne if she convinced her sons that John was dead. She says, “Yes.” The Defense Barrister (Milo Twomey) questions her about John foraging her signature for documents. Mark tells the jury that he felt and still feels betrayed, stupid, and angry. When asked why she didn’t leave John, Anne says she wanted her family together. The barristers continue to question Anne, Ant, and Mark.

The Judge tells Anne that his professional belief is she and John worked jointly to defraud the life insurance company. He hands down a 6-year prison sentence for Anne.

Anne narrates her time spent in prison. John contacted her frequently while she frequently wrote her sons. She admits it was difficult to cut John out of her life after 35 years of being together. John assures her that they can do well for themselves if they follow a plan.

Anne visits with prison counselor, Grace (Daniela Pasquini). Grace asks what she wants to achieve from their meetings. She says to learn how to not hate herself. She wants to prove to her sons that she is a good person, even though she committed a horrible crime. Grace questions who she was before the scheme. She describes herself as loving and kind, with a good conscious.

Mark speaks to his wife about Ant. He says Ant laughs one minute and cries the next. She asks how he feels about his parents. He says like they are dead.

Anne tells Grace about her and John’s first encounter on a school bus at 14 years old. She denies being with any other man other than John.

A female prison officer delivers Anne a letter from Mark. He explains how he wants to visit her in prison.

Ant’s wife assures him that he is under no obligation to forgive his parents for what they have done. He tells her that he just isn’t ready.

Anne listens to Mark scold her about knowing about John’s fake death scheme. She apologizes. He accuses her of forcing them to learn about it from public sources. She blames her continuous lying on her own shame and guilt. He tells her that she was too preoccupied, spending time on the beach drinking pina colada. Irate, he leaves without saying goodbye.

Anne attends another counseling session.

When John meets with Mark, he admits to being sorry about getting caught. He says if his actions caused him harm, then he is remorseful. Mark asks him about the letters he wrote to a woman in America. He shows him a copy of a Daily Mirror issue that contains a story titled “Canoe Man’s Secret Love.”

Anne suggests she should leave John but doesn’t know if it is possible. Grace asks her why. She describes herself as an extension of John. She is terrified of starting a new life at 60 years old. When Grace asks if John was good for her, she says he gave her two beautiful children.

Mark and Ant walk his young son. He tells him that he has decided he prefers to have Anne in his life. Ant informs Mark that he contacted Anne to request a prison visit. Mark warns him that forgiveness will not occur immediately.

Anne meets Ant and her grandson for the first time. He hands her his son. In narration, Anne describes Ant’s actions as generous, which she doesn’t deserve.

John calls Anne. He immediately scolds her for cutting off all contact with him. She tells him that he doesn’t make her happy. He pleads with her to not toss their 36-year marriage away. She admits to no longer loving him because of all the pain he has caused her. She asks for a divorce before hanging up the phone.

Ann narrates her transfer to an open prison, with only eight more months to serve before her release. She was eventually released to a Leeds halfway house. As she boards a commuter bus, she promises to continue searching for herself. The bus drives away as the episode comes to an end.

 

The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe Review

A lackluster finale. The interrogations and trial were run-ons. The dialogue was a repeat of the previous three episodes. I believe two episodes would’ve provided ample time, to sum up the story of John and Anne Darwin.

The writers must have slept through the screenplay. Lazy writing has contributed to this dud. I would have much rather heard about John’s experience of spending three weeks alone in a tent. A peek into Anne’s post-prison life as a single woman would’ve also been interesting.

The show is one-sided, in Anne’s favor. The writers allude to John manipulatively controlling a fragile, helpless Anne. What I see is a manipulative Anne who helped John pull off his fake death scheme and reap the rewards of his insurance money.

The finale deserves a 5. Get more The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking on the link.