Anne Darwin (Monica Dolan) is shocked when she wakes up to find John Darwin (Eddie Marsan) in his birthday suit. She warns him about someone seeing him. He assures her that no one will see him because he is dead. He tells her to get out of bed, so they can begin filing a life insurance claim. He says his insurer owes him 136,000 pounds. She reluctantly gets out of bed.

As he prepares to go outside, she makes him promise to emerge from number four. He advises her to not let the insurance company give her the runaround. He says they own them “fair and square.” When he makes his exit, she makes a call to Assured Mutual. John contently walks around the neighborhood, with his cane. Anne explains to the insurance agent that John’s body was never located. John ends up in what looks like the library, where he utilizes a computer to access historical microfiches. He views certified copies of birth and death certificates, one in particular, John Jones.

John demands to know why Assured Mutual needs to discuss his life insurance claim. She assures him it is nothing more than following the rules. He accuses her of allowing herself to be bullied. He admits to regretting letting her handle the claim because she is untrustworthy. As he walks away, she wishes he had really drowned. He returns to rebuttal her statement. She describes him as being “selfish” because he never once thought about how it impacted her. She admits to being terrified of the bailiffs showing up unannounced. Weepy, she reminds him of how she is continuously lying to their family.

Apologizing for still being alive, he accuses her of wanting to take ownership of all the life insurance payout. He demands that she make another call to Assured Mutual to request a one-on-one meeting. She tells him their sons are scheduled to visit tonight.

Mark Darwin (Mark Stanley) and Anthony “Ant” Darwin (Dominic Applewhite) arrive. Ant discusses how people who have gone missing return without warning. Mark reminds him that John’s canoe was crushed when the police found it. He goes through a scenario in which John sustained a head injury when his canoe collided with a larger vessel. John listens from the other side of the door while they discuss the possibilities of his return. Mark suggests to Anne that they should never stop hoping. John returns to his computer while Anne says goodbye to her children. She locks the door to prohibit John from entering. John talks dirty to a female video game player.

A Mutual Assured agent, Les Dolding (David Lonsdale) visits with Anne. He informs her that the company has decided to reject her life insurance claim. John listens from the other side of the door. She questions how the insurer came to that decision. He contributes it to no death certificate. She points out that the police closed John’s case after a failed search. He says the coroner cannot write a legal declaration of death until John has been missing for a specific period of time. He assures her that the insurer will gladly honor John’s claim when she has a death certificate. She asks, what is the waiting period. When he says approximately seven years, John exhales. He warns her of what would happen if the premiums lapsed without the 7-year period. There will be no payout.

John and Anne sit across from each other at the dining table. When she attempts to speak, he points his finger to tell her to be quiet. After thinking about it, he comes up with the idea for her to exploit people to get sympathy. He suggests she start at the police department. He says she needs to claim it is impossible for her to move on until she gets closure. When she tries to interject, he tells her to plead and cry until the coroner agrees to conduct an inquest into his death “now.” She asks if he is demanding her to exploit the sympathy of others for his own benefit. He corrects her by saying it would be for both their benefit. She refuses to do his bidding until he threatens to turn himself in. He suggests he would be sentenced to jail for several years. Before leaving, he adds that she would miss Ant’s wedding.

John picks up a copy of a birth certificate for John Jones.

DC June Ayoade (Lois Chimimba) informs Anne that only the Home Secretary has the authority to speed up an inquest. Weeping, Anne tells Ayoade that her family cannot possibly move on without John’s death certificate. Ayoade promises to contact the people in charge again.

When Anne relays Ayoade’s promise to John, he joyfully celebrates. She reminds him that it is only a phone call. He claims to have a feeling that it will work. With John Jones’ birth certificate in hand, he tells her it will be possible for him to get a passport. He promises they will travel and start over only the two of them. Approaching her from behind, he thanks her for what she has been doing. They passionately kiss.

In narration, Anne explains how their problems dragged out for months, resulting in a bleak winter. She says the bailiffs and banks continuously harassed her. John utilized the fake identity to obtain a passport.

On Christmas day, Ant, Mark, Anne’s mother (Carrie Cohen), and father (Ellis Jones) visited for Christmas. John set quietly on the other side of the wall listening. They all toasted to John. Ant shares his memory of building a sled, “Snow Rider,“ with his father. In the meantime, John chats with someone online. He tells the woman that Anne succumbed to cancer before they had children. He admits to being ready to start a new personal and professional adventure. She asks if investing there ever crossed his mind.

Anne barges him as he is talking to the woman. She suggests he go start a new life somewhere else. He promises their life is what he really wants. As she turns to leave, he tries to convince her that it is nothing more than a game. She leaves and locks the door behind her.

In narration, Anne says John received his news in February. Anne stands in front of a panel, explaining how she hasn’t slept well since John didn’t return home from his canoe ride. She says normally there is a funeral when someone dies. The family acquires a headstone to validate the deceased’s existence, which isn’t possible in their case. She assures them they cannot move on without a body. Ayoade speaks to the panel about the investigation into John’s disappearance. She says John couldn’t have possibly staged his own disappearance. As she talks about John drowning, Ant comforts Anne.

John is declared missing/presumed dead by the coroner (Simon Greenall). Anne and her sons toss memorial flowers into the sea. John watches through a window from his flat.

Anne narrates the events over the next few months. Their payout from Elgin & Partners was a quarter-million pounds. Once their mortgage was paid off, they could put their rental property on the market. John received his passport under the name of John Jones several months later.

A man driving down the road recognizes John as he passes in front of his car.

Ayoade informs Anne that Alan Hudson (Trevor Fox) reported a sighting of John. Anne assures her that she wants John to be alive more than anyone else. Ayoade asks if she ever saw anyone who resembles John. Anne agrees to contact the police if she catches such a sighting.

After John tells Anne about his business venture plan, he says it would be in their best interest for him to leave for America. He asks her to withdraw money for his trip.

Anne narrates her relief when John left for America. While she is eating supper, John knocks on the door. As soon as she opens the door, he tells her about a failed investment that cost them $50K. She asks what all the woman promised him. He explains how the lady offered to enter an investment deal with him for a ranch. He promises the relationship wasn’t personal, only business. When she permits John access into her flat, he goes straight to her plate of food. She describes their next two years as a dull blur. She kept to herself besides working. When they traveled, John would lose another investment.

John suggests they move to Panama. She points out that it is thousands of miles away from home. He assures her it is perfect for a new start. She asks what type of life they would have in Panama. He suggests they acquire land for a rental cabin business. She questions how Mark and Ant would visit them while they live as a married couple.

She tells Ant and Mark about her plans in Panama. They ask if she ever thought about Alicante. She reminds him of how she has been living alone in the large house, where John was last seen in his canoe. She is disappointed that they are not supportive of her idea. Mark agrees her idea is a great one.

Anne and John are at the airport when they get into a verbal dispute. She refuses to walk beside him for fear of someone recognizing them.

Their plane lands in Panama City. Anne and John are thrilled to be away from County Durham. They meet with Mario Vilar (Jorge Albuquerque) and Karina Vilar (Mariana Norton). Mario explains how they will visit several properties in the next few days. They pose for a photo. In narration, Anne says the move was the stupidest thing they did.

Anne stands in the water looking out at the sea. John encourages her to get a move on, so they can make it to the next property. She asks if the property is feasible. He believes so.

As they have lunch, Anne goes on a rant about all the things they can do there. She is embarrassed when he compliments her beauty. He tells her it may be possible for them to live a more comfortable life in Panama. He doesn’t suggest forgetting about his fake death scheme just makes them less important. She admits to feeling guilty about what they have done to their family. He suggests their fathers are not going to live that much longer. He compliments her for such a good job raising Mark and Ant. They toast to happiness.

Anne narrates about their exquisite apartment providing a clear view of the sea. John remains behind in Panama to acquire a piece of land while she returns to Seaton Carew. She has two more houses to sell.

Anne has dinner with Mark and Ant. Ant is concerned about his mother operating a business in Panama. She tries to convince them that she isn’t too old to start afresh somewhere else. She promises to return to visit them from time to time. She tells him about her plans to put the last two homes on the market.

Ant and Mark visit while Anne packs her luggage. She offers them whatever they would like from their father’s things. Ant picks up John’s passport. They both admit to missing their father. They agree to never call John about a work dispute.

Anne says goodbye to her sons at the airport. She happily lands in Panama City. When she arrives home, she finds a note. When she meets him at a restaurant, she realizes something is wrong. He tells about a new regulation that would require him to get a signed document from his local police department to obtain citizenship in Panama. She asks him to validate if they can reside there permanently. He says they can’t legally. He admits to discovering the law several weeks ago. She scolds him for keeping it from her. He reminds her of the land deal. She assures him that he wouldn’t acquire land when he was aware of the law. He describes it as a “bargain” with a big smile on his face.

He tells her about his plan to return home, so he can turn himself in to the police. He will claim to have amnesia because he is tired of playing dead as the episode comes to an end.

 

The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe Review

Eddie Marson and Monica Dolan do a wonderful job bringing their characters to life. If the show is factual, Anne was manipulated by one of the biggest con artists in Durham. I found myself feeling resentment toward her because she allowed herself to be misled in nearly every facet of her life. The show alluded to her being a great mother. Leading her children to believe their father was dead for years says otherwise.

The breathtaking scenery is the highlight of the episode. The cinematography is excellent. The pace is too slow and some of the scenes are a repeat from the previous episode.

Marsan and Dolan build a strong onscreen relationship. Their relationship reminds me of Susan and Christopher Edwards in the “Landscapers”. Olivia Colman and David Thewlis’ onscreen relationship was unbreakable.

The episode deserves a 6. Get more The thief, His Wife and the Canoe recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking on the link to learn more.