Welcome to Casa de Phelps – Gaynor Phelps (Gus Birney) complains about Patricia “Pat” Phelps (Courtney Cox) and Terry Phelps’ (Greg Kinnear) choice of music. Looking over at Pat, Terry says he can guess what is on her mind. In a flashback, Pat and an unknown man are having sex. He raises his voice to bring her back to reality. As he turns to talk to Gaynor, a Little Girl (Ellie Grace Pomeroy) following a ball runs in front of their car.  Terry screams at him to watch out while grabbing the steering wheel to dodge the young girl. Terry admits to not seeing the girl. Jake Phelps (Dylan Gage) stops playing his handheld video game to question if Terry killed a girl. Pat and Terry get out and walk to the rear of the car. Simultaneously, they look underneath to see nothing.

He suggests it was a deer. She insists it was a girl in a dress, with a flowered design. Frantic, she suggests they continue to look. He asks what they are supposed to be looking for. Gaynor asks Terry if they killed someone as he gets back in the car. He tries to convince them the move will be great for everyone.

Sunday – Terry welcomes the family to “Casa de Phelps.” Gaynor questions if he is joking. The swing moves back and forth as Terry explains how he and Pat immediately fell in love with the house. He promises she will love it too. Jake joins the conversation to ask why they have opted to move into a hotel. Pat assures him it is their home, which is hundreds of miles outside the city. Gaynor connects the move to Pat’s affair with a random guy. Refuting her comment, he says Pat’s affair has nothing to do with their decision to move.  They got a good deal on the house. Pat tells Gaynor her bedroom is by itself on one side of the house and Jake has his own bathroom. The tetherball moves back and forth, with no one. As they prepare to tote their suitcases inside, Pat turns to see Valerie He (Susan Park) standing at the gate. She tells her they are moving in. After briefly looking at Terry who asks for a hand, she turns around to find Valerie gone.

Robyn (Sherilyn Fenn) gives Terry and Pat a tour of their new home. Pat informs Robyn of her plan to turn the attic into a writing annex. Robyn asks about her works. Terry tells her about Pat’s “Cressida: Unbound.” She describes it as “lady porn.” Refuting her comment, Pat says her novel is about a woman addicted to sex making bad decisions. Terry assures her it is a “work of fiction.” Surprised to find a piano left behind, Terry hits a key to find it out of tune. Pat asks Robyn if the heat works. She reminds them of how long the house has been empty. Whispering, she says, “She probably isn’t used to having people inside of her.”

Terry brings in a load of wood for the fire. He tells her about finding a hatchet or ax in the shed. Pat cannot understand why she is so cold. Gaynor suggests it is menopause. She says menopause causes the body temperature to increase, not decrease. Roxy poops on the floor, but Terry refuses to let Pat clean it up. Terry wants everyone to tell him what their plans are for their new home. He believes there is a creek nearby and asks Jake to join him on a tour. He reluctantly agrees. Pat looks forward to reconnecting with her family. The kids make their exit, leaving Terry and Pat alone. Terry blurts out that they should have sex. She is surprised. He reminds her of the last time they had sex before her fling.

Three months earlier – Pat explains how her affair was not planned. The man was at their house to repair a faucet when he removed his shirt. Terry assures her the faucet was not repaired. She utilizes the excuse of being in a “really dark place.” Dr. Berg (James M. Connor) asks her what changed. Agitated, she provides a brief description of her life. She is home alone while Terry is at work and the children who ignore her are at school. Berg asks if there is a family mental health history. Terry hurriedly blurts out her mother is psychotic. She scolds him for bringing her mother into the conversation. Berg continues to dig deeper into her mother’s mental illness.

Pat admits to being sober for 16 years. Berg recommends an antidepressant. While he names off the side effects, they are quiet until he says decreased libido. They agree in unison it would work.

Back to the present – Terry tries to convince Pat to have sex. After struggling to remove his shirt, he gives up. She suggests he wait upstairs while she tidies up the house. The piano keys make a dull tapping noise, prompting her to call Terry who is putting on a vinyl record. As she closes an open window, Roxy growls. She orders her to not go potty in the house again. After hearing three taps on the window, she jerks open the window to see a woman. Frightened, she flees to the bedroom, where Terry is waiting. She informs him of seeing a lady looking through the family room window. He asks for a description. She describes the lady as “old-fashioned” like his mother. He assures her his mother is not old-fashioned.

Frantic, she changes the description as he exits the bedroom. He returns to determine if she is referring to the library. Raising her voice, she orders him to check it out. Upon returning to the house, he says it could have been a deer. She reminds him of the window being10 feet above the ground. They bicker back and forth about her description of the woman. He offers to have floodlights installed outside. She seems relieved. He tells her they had a great handyman. Cutting him off, she says, “I got it.” He agrees to install the floodlights instead of hiring someone to do it.

Monday – While preparing sandwiches, Pat stops to take her medicine. She orders Gaynor to change because her outfit looks like she is going to a Pornhub audition. Gaynor makes a rude comment about Pat’s boyfriend. She gets into an argument with both kids simultaneously. Jake isn’t happy she removed the crust on his sandwich while Gaynor believes she called her a “sl**”. Jake complains the bread is not sourdough and he doesn’t like jelly. Gaynor reminds Pat of her boyfriend once again. Raising her voice, she orders them to stop. She promises to be doing the best she can as their mother. Gaynor agrees to change her outfit and Jake will eat the jelly sandwich. She thanks them as they stomp away.

Gaynor describes waiting on the school bus as “fu**ing lame.” They get into a squabble about her foul language. Pat comforts Jake when he admits to being nervous on his first day at a new school. She suggests he make a friend or at least make eye contact. His eye contact demonstration fails miserably. She tells him to find someone to sit with, not the bus driver. As the bus pulls away, she sees Valerie standing across the road. Pat can’t understand her mumbling, so she decides to cross the road. She steps out into the street and nearly gets mowed down by a speeding car. After the car passes, Valerie is gone.

Pat accesses the attic to work on her new novel. As a creepy clown and doll appear on the screen, an eerie noise can be heard in the background. She accepts a video chat request from Kam (Merrin Dungey). Kam claims they want to ditch her. Pat reminds her of them being sisters. Kam reminds her of the 6-month advance she was paid six years ago for a novel that was never finished. She gives her an ultimatum to provide the first chapter of the novel in 30 days or return the advancement. Pat tries to convince herself she can do it.

A rolling ball stops by her foot. She picks it up and turns around to see Roxy standing there. Roxy ignores the ball when she rolls it back. She growls until Pat gets up to retrieve the ball. She reaches her hand underneath a cabinet and discovers a double picture frame. Opening the frame brings back a frightening flashback of the little girl running out in front of their car. The frame is sent crashing to the floor. The ball bounces down the steps. A flashback of Rosemary (Mira Sorvino) in the window appears on the screen.

Terry promises he has searched the place and found nothing. She apologizes for hearing strange whispering. He reminds her of paying $250 for a taxi ride from the city to their home. He describes her experience as the wind blowing over a photo frame. When she shows him the broken frame, the photos are completely different. He assures her the photos are stock. She tells him something creepy is going on inside the house as he angrily removes his shirt and slings it on the floor. She suggests they return to Brooklyn. Raising his voice, he reminds her of how he used his pension to acquire the house.

Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she questions if she is going crazy. She says her mom was about the same age when she went psychotic. He says you’re not your mother. She reminds him of the novel. He tells her to not write it. She informs him of Tam’s threat. He says you will lock yourself in the attic and finish the book.

Friday – While sitting at her desk, she pleads for help writing the book. The lights flicker and she begins pecking about at her laptop.

Jake asks Terry and Gaynor why they are laughing at him. Terry assures him they are only laughing with him, not at him. Pam approaches to ask what everyone is laughing about. Jake jokes about joining a Minecraft team. Pam tells them about Terry’s cheerleading years. Correcting her, he tells them he was a yell leader. Gaynor contributes his being a yell leader to not getting laid in college. Terry gives her a demonstration, and everyone joins in.

Pat is awakened by someone whispering her name. She wakes Terry to see if he heard it too. He contributes the noise to a deer. She walks downstairs to find Roxie staring at a lamp laying on the floor. She takes Roxie outside and tries to convince her to poop. She points her flashlight in the direction of the cracking noise. She is surprised to see a massive pile of firewood scattered on the ground. Another cracking noise prompts her to pick up something to protect herself. Roxy continues barking. Raising her voice, she threatens whoever it is with an ax and a dog. Roxy whines twice and stops. She screams when two lights that look like eyes appear in front of her. The floodlight is activated to pleasantly reveal a large deer. She turns around to find Roxy pooping.

Nothing is outside the window, but when she turns around, Rosemary asks what she is doing in her home. Pat tries to yell for Terry as the episode comes to an end.

 

Shining Vale Review

While rated a comedy, nothing about the show is funny. If anything, the dialogue is cringeworthy and cliche. I watched the entire episode without laughing once. No, I didn’t hold back, it just wasn’t funny.

The acting seems a bit strained, especially Greg Kinnear. I don’t know if the show is out of his realm or if it is the best he can do. Either way, it is even more intolerable when he raises his voice.

Portraying Kinnear with a 6-pack is laughable, the man is nearing 60 years old. If you wanted abs, you should have chosen a younger couple.

The scenes where Cortney Cox performs alone are more enjoyable. The constant berating from Gaynor and Terry is enough to drive a sane person insane. The show will not win an award for memorable on-screen relationships, probably the opposite. This reminds me of someone I know who agreed to forgive his spouse for cheating, only to issue constant reminders of her fling.

There is nothing remarkable about the show. The content and dialogue are not enough to pull me in. Of course, others may feel differently.

The episode deserves a 5.5. Get more Shining Vale recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking the link to learn more.