A Damned Man – The show begins with a French sailor saying France will be the world leader one day, which will give full access to good bread. He takes two loaves of bread and gives one to another pirate. They clink bread loaves before taking a bite. Blackbeard’s ship is too close to count, causing mass hysteria. Sailors jump into the water while others stare in horror. Telling a story, Black Pete (Matthew Maher) says Blackbeard (Taika Waititi) was upon them, getting a gasp from those in attendance. As Captain Stede Bonnet (Rhys Darby) leans his upper body forward, Pete describes Blackbeard as “history’s greatest pirate”. In the imaginary scene, Blackbeard walks across the ship deck, bypassing the bodies of dead sailors. He stops in front of the French Warship Captain (Daniel Olson) and orders him to look into Blackbeard’s eyes.

Stede questions Pete further about his description of Blackbeard’s head, which he claims is constructed of smoke. Pete acknowledges is made of smoke, but only when it is a necessity. His statement earns a few awes, mixed with complaints from naysayers. Flabbergasted, Stede asks if Blackbeard’s eyes really glow. Pete says, “Yes.” He goes further by asking if he is saying Blackbeard’s eyes float in smoke. Pete describes his eyes as being “regular,” not floating.

In a flashback, the French sailors are overtaken by Pete, himself. Blackbeard contributes his life to Pete’s quick thinking. Pete responds by saying he is elated to be on the same team. Blackbeard awards him with a new name, Dread Black Pete, and new status, his right-hand man. Stede gasps while the others are in disbelief. Buttons (Ewen Bremner) tells the crew he was temporarily in Pete’s crew. Roach (Samba Schutte) is upfront with Pete, saying they will not utilize the name Blackbeard chose for him. As Oluwande (Samson Kayo) realizes no one is steering the ship, they are sent flying out of their seats.

 

The ship is docked on a beach, where Stede tries to push it back into the sea. When he asks if it moved, Buttons suggests they become cannibals. He recommends eating Lucius (Nathan Foad) first because he is “young and succulent.” Stede assures him it is nothing new, as it happens to everyone. Buttons agrees to hold off on cannibalism until necessary. Stede assures him it will never be necessary. He orders him to get the crew together.

While attempting to push the ship into the water, Stede imagines seeing Captain Nigel Badminton (Rory Kinnear), with a knife in his right eye. Badminton says Baby Bonnet, you really messed this one up. Stede refuses to listen because he is dead. Badminton teases Stede in his baby voice, calling him “fat a**.” Stede argues he isn’t fat. Moving closer, Badminton repeatedly calls him fatty until Stede says, “At least I’m alive.” He gets in his face and describes him as a “child with a toy.” Squeezing his eyes shut, Stede screams enough. When he opens his eyes, Badminton is nowhere in sight.

Stede explains to his crew The Revenge has run around, but only a little bit. Wee John (Feeny (Kristian Nairn) asks if they’re going to be forced into cannibalism. Buttons says they probably will. Stede disagrees, saying their food supply will last several weeks. He suggests they treat it like a vacation. Wee John asks what vacation means. Stede describes it as a “period of leisure,” where they can do whatever their heart desires, like a hobby. While speaking, Stede looks over to see Badminton standing on rocks, shooting him the bird. The Swede (Nat Faxon) asks what the punishment is if they don’t participate. Stede suggests they have fun. Dropping his log on the beach, Lucius agrees to have fun.

While holding up a stick, with spikes, Roach asks if he can dedicate his vacation time to hostage-torturing. Stede tells him to participate in relaxing activities. He admits torturing Officer Hornberry (Connor Barrett) and Officer Wellington (Michael Crane) would be relaxing. Stede says to take the hostages for a walk. Pete says give them massages and homemade pies. Stede asks if it is something Blackbeard would do. Raising his voice, Pete says Blackbeard would stick heated pokers up their rectums. Stede repeats what he previously said about taking the hostages for a walk.

With that out of the way, Stede admits to Jim/Bonifacia (Vico Ortiz) and Oluwande he is struggling with being a mur… When he repeats his attempt, Badminton says, “Spit it out, you stuttering imbecile.” Oluwande tells Stede he just happened to be there when Badminton died, so he isn’t really a murderer. Stede owns up to his crime and asks them how to get over it. Jim makes a motion with his hand. Oluwande explains how both the killer and victim die. In a flashback, Father Bonnet (Boris McGiver) chops off a duck’s head, splattering block all over Young Stede’s face (Theo Darby). Back to reality, Wee John is beating up The Swede. When Stede demands to know what they are doing, they say “unwinding.”

With Stede out of earshot, Oluwande asks Bonifacia what they should do. He suggests they hit the beach. Bonifacia reminds him of her fake beard that is held on with glue. She admits to smelling foul like the rest of the crew. Oluwande offers to stand guard while she utilizes Stede’s bathtub. They agree to do their own thing for just today.

While Stede tries to convince Wee John and The Swede to do something more relaxing, Roach rushes in to ask if the hostages are vacationing. Stede tells him prisoners don’t get to vacation. He says, so they can’t do whatever they like. Stede asks him where the hostages are at. He explains how they wanted to urinate in private. Badminton calls him “pathetic” while cracking up laughing until his mouth fills with blood.

Stede forms a search party to find the Wellington and Hornberry. Oluwande agrees to join, but no one else. He says it would be valuable to have the former right-hand man of Blackbeard onboard. Roach laughing prompts Pete to accept the challenge.  While they conduct their search, Stede comments about Blackbeard killing a lot of men. Pete totally agrees. He asks if Blackbeard ever mentioned how he processed his actions. Pete admits that Blackbeard just got on with it when he killed a child, woman, or man. He describes it as being like breathing. Surprised, Stede asks him to clarify if Blackbeard killed children. Oluwande rolls his eyes back as Pete denies Blackbeard explains how he only killed bad kids. He denies him being a monster.

Oluwande tells Stede no one believes Pete was on Blackbeard’s crew except him. Pete warns Oluwande he is fed up with his attitude. As the two challenge each other, Stede reminds them of what they are there for. Oluwande isn’t happy about Pete calling him “baby face.” As the three of them argue, a net comes down over them. In nanoseconds, they are surrounded by Mabo warriors. They scream for help while Roach and Wee John blow up bombs on the beach and Lucius watches Bubbles make a harpsichord. He explains how the harpsichord will be utilized to eradicate jellyfish. Unknowingly to them, Izzy Hands (Con O’Neill) orders Fang (David Fane) and Ivan (Guz Khan) to find the idiot responsible for running the ship aground and kidnapping English officers.

Bonifacia writes records her experience. On day 28, she explains how her manly disguise is like being in prison, which she contributes to herself. She can’t sleep for fear of being found out. Swinging her knife, she hits a cockroach crawling on the floor. She has finally reached her wit’s end. She takes a swim in the sea.

Izzy hands and his men approach Buttons as he shapes his harpsichord. Buttons tells them he was under the impression the island was deserted. Izzy Hands says it is for the most part as they are just passing through. He asks how many are there in his crew. Buttons tells them about the hostages and Stede, Oluwande, and Pete in the bush.

Stede and Pete are locked inside a small wooden cage. A Guard (Jamie Nations_ reminds Stede he is locked in a cage. Stede tries to explain how they are just searching for their English hostages who smell like “stale urine.” When they spot what looks like a dead body on a barbecue spit, they hysterically call them “savages.” The Guard points to a cage, where Wellington and Hornberry are being held. As Oluwande approaches with a beverage, the Guard happily greets him. Stede is relieved to see him. Pete asks if they made him a drink. He tells them the beverage tastes like pineapple. The Guard refuses to let Oluwande give them a drink. He tells them about his conversation with the Chief who claims to have had trouble with white-skinned people. Pete questions what kind of trouble. The Guard blurts out, “You keep trying to kill us.” Stede assures him it wasn’t them.

The Guard suggests they talk to the chief at their trial. Oluwande admits to forgetting about the trial. Calling it a formality, the Guard shakes his head no.

Lucius sees Bonifacia’s clothes and fake beard lying on a rock. She turns to see him staring at her. She quickly swims to shore.

Pete and Stede are at their trial. Chief Mabo (Gary Farmer) tells them the meeting has convened. He asks Stede and Pete if they would like to speak. Stede readily says he believes there has been a misunderstanding. He describes themselves as non-murderous pirates and Wellington and Hornberry as colonizers. The Chief says they have heard it before. He admits their tribe was taken out eight times. When he asks if any of the prisoners have murdered someone recently, Wellington tells him about Stede killing Badminton. Stede has a flashback of badminton falling over, with the knife in his eye. Badminton orders Baby Bonnet to look at him, now he will never have children.

Frantic, Stede describes himself as a “dirty, filthy murderer,” ordering them to take them away. Oluwande suggests to the Chief they take a break. The chief agrees, calling Stede unwell.

Oluwande explains to the Chief how Stede knocked out Badminton, not killed him. Listening to their conversation, Pete admits knowing all along. Stede discusses his emotions with the Tribal Elder (Toneey Acevedo). He asks him if Badminton being dead makes him feel bad. Stede informs him of how terrible Badminton was even as a young boy. He asks if there is something else bothering him. Stede has a flashback of saying goodbye to Louis Bonnet (William Barber-Holler) and Alma Bonnet (Eden Grace Redfield). The Chief approaches to inform Stede and Pete they are free to go because they are only mediocre pirates. Stede says they will take the English hostages and leave. The Chief tells him about selling them to some men.

Pete warns Stede to not even ask what Blackbeard would do in this situation because he isn’t up for it. Badminton continues to haunt him. He recalls his father calling him a “lily-liver little rich boy.” Stede tells himself he is adequate. They ask him to repeat himself. He says, Let’s get out damned men back.”

As Bonifacia climbs out of the water, Lucius is freaking out. He swears to have seen nothing. She attacks him from behind, with her knife drawn. Frantic, he asks if she is going to murder him. She says, “Absolutely.” While he has her attention, he clocks her over the head with a stick. She screams he is dead.

Stede, Oluwande, and Pete watch Izzy Hands and his men escort their hostages out of the bush. They argue about who is tougher. Stede suggests they create a diversion. Wellington tries to convince Izzy Hands to set them free to avoid torture from their King. Fang pretends to be afraid before shoving him to the ground. Stede jumps out in front of them, with his knife drawn. He tells him they have dibs on the hostages. Izzy Hands draws his sword and slices his shirt until his chest is exposed. Pete and Oluwande make a whimpering noise. Stede suggests the forest is haunted. Shrugging off his concern, Izzy says it is one of his men. He yells for Ivan who points out it is an island, not a forest when a rock smashes him in the head. Swinging down, Pete knocks Fang down on the ground while Stede places the tip of his knife on Izzy Hand’s cheek. Wellington tells them Stede has the eyes of a madman, apologizing.

Ivan cries about his nose being broken. Stede assures Izzy Hands he is surrounded. He orders his crew to release Hell when he gives in. Stede holds out his hand to Izzy Hands while identifying himself. Izzy Hands identifies himself and assures him it isn’t over yet. Stede says he is glad because he quite enjoys it. He orders his men and hostage to run. Izzy Hands spits on the ground, “Pirates, my ass.”

The Mabo Warriors help the pirates hush The Revenge back into the sea. Stede shakes hands with the Tribal Elder who tells him every man is not cut out for pirating, but more gentler things. Confused, Stede admits to not understanding. The Tribal Elder describes him as being more of a gentleman than a pirate. He tries to convince Oluwande to stay with his tribe. He suggests Stede is going to get his crew killed. Oluwande tells him there is someone on the ship waiting for him. The Tribal Elder tells him he is in love. He assures him Bonifacia is just a friend.

As the ship sets sail, Badminton screams at Stede who pretends to not understand. He asks him why a pirate can’t be a gentleman. He calls for Lucius to document something for him. Approaching from behind, Bonifacia drapes a bag of Lucius’ head. After he passes out, she drags his body across the floor.

Fang and Ivan watch The Revenge pulls away. Ivan is disappointed he didn’t get to murder someone. Izzy Hands informs them of the captain’s orders to follow The Revenge. Disappointed, Fang asks why. Grabbing his beard, Izzy Hands orders him to just do it. Fang complains about it hurting when he jerks his beard. Ivan suggests he talk to him about it. He says what’s the point. A storm brews up as the episode comes to an end.

 

Our Flag Means Death Review

I really enjoyed the episode but could have done without the pretentious defamatory comment about white men. White men are being portrayed as “bad guys” while black guys are being put on a pedestal. Unfortunately, this is more common than most could imagine. It is as if they are getting paid to embed discriminatory content geared toward the white man in their movie scripts. It could also be a way to ensure your film is eligible for an Emmy and an Oscar.

With that out of the way, I can focus on the other aspects of the show. Stede is gradually overcoming his mental and physical weaknesses. Of course, he will probably never be a Blackbeard, but he can be a gentlemanly pirate captain.

The dialogue is splendidly wacky, even though it veered off topic a bit. The acting is spot-on for a screwed-up pirate crew. With such a large cast, the director is doing a great job keeping everything from becoming a jumbled mess.

The plot and crew are intriguing enough to hold my attention for at least another episode. With this said, the show will not be everyone’s cup of tea, including my son’s.

The episode deserves a 6. Get more Our Flag Means Death recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking to link to learn more.