Constantine Review: The Devil’s Vinyl

TV Shows John Constantine

Here we go! NBC’s Constantine! Will he finally smoke a cigarette in this episode? Or won’t he? That Nicorette really works huh?

Dark and creepy already. Devil symbols on the wall. Whats inside? Oh my god, it is real! What is it lady? Bernie Reed (Dikran Tulaine) inspects the artifact, which appears to be a vinyl recording. Blues music and Devil screams? Feels like the Crossroads (1986). Where is Ralph Macchio and his guitar?

John Constantine is naked, covered in blood and pretending to be Jim Carrey’s Pet Detective. Oh, he’s just learning a spell. Is his level even high enough for the blood spell? Back to killing rats outside of Barloque!

Road trip for Zed Martin and Constantine. John shows off his dowsing nails. Zed shows off her wonderful pickpocketing skills. Level up! She’s learned the backstab skill. Nobody is going to stop her now!

In the morgue, John is performing an awakening ritual, with a severed hand. Ah! The corpses are reanimated! Who knew John Constantine was a necromancer? Is this Constantine or Diablo? Before too long, Johnny will acquire the Bone Spirit spell! Then, the dead better prepare to…..die again?

Bernie? Dead Bernie sitting up and talking? Is this Weekend at Bernie’s? Back out outside, the pair decide to pay Marcus Mooney (Nicholas Pryor) a visit. Bad nightmares for Julilah Fell (Julia Walter). Uh oh! Subzero temperatures are seen turning everything to ice.

Matt Ryan showing off his acting skills, with a southern accent and pretending to be a member of Health and Services? Oscar worthy? Marcus Mooney seems to be suffering from Alzheimer’s. We get more talk about Robert Johnson and his deal with the devil! Of course, here, his name is Willie Cole (Q. Coleman). It seems his famous recording, the Acetate, is back and is ready to kill! Manny shows up, stops time and takes Mooney to the afterlife.

Constantine and Zed break into a mansion and attack a musician, Ian Fell (Marcus Hester). Jasmine Fell (Joelle Carter) cops the blame and admits to making the deal with Bernie. Jasmine has scarified her soul to save Ian from cancer?

Anton seems to be searching for the Acetate and is willing to give Jasmine her soul back, once it is in his possession. Constantine plays it smooth and gets a hug from Mrs. Fell. What’d he stick in her pocket? Julilah is listening to Willie’s blues. She’s dead!!!! Or not! Saved by her parents.

Constantine is exploring a sanctuary, when he meets the soul broker, Anton (Sean Whalen). We’re introduced to Papa Midnite (Michael James Shaw). From Parts Unknown, Papa Shango makes his Constantine debut! Constantine better watch out for that Voodoo Driver!

It seems Papa Shango is Jamaican and Constantine can only afford basic cable. Should he be able to upgrade to Xfinity? Then he would get unlimited inter…..nevermind. With a puff of dust, Constantine is strapped down, with Papa Midnite in total control. Midnite explains his need for the Acetate. A needle in the neck for Constantine. Seems Constantine has four hours to get the Acetate or he’s going to die.

Constantine is stuck in a dreadful game now. Home invasion back at the Fell house. That was quite easy. They didn’t even have to tie anybody up. Did they get the real Acetate? One of the robbers transforms into a subzero zombie.

As the show returns, Constantine is talking in tongues or singing or something. A bum shows up and beings stripping John of his shoes. Of course, it isn’t a bum at all. It is Manny. Back to the bum. Will the bum set Constantine free? The bum speaks gibberish and makes no sense whatsoever. Zed shows up to save the day. John planted the nail on Jasmine, so they’d be able to track his location. Quite clever, Mr Constantine.

Let the bodies hit the floor! ARGH!! Chas shows up with some supplies for Constantine. No record on Zed. A deaf bus boy. So, Constantine can speak ghost, tongues and hillbilly, but not sign language? The pair discover a tiger. Are we going to see an appearance by Siegfried and Roy? Look out for that tiger Johnny Boy!

Constantine enters a radio station claiming he knows how to take the station down. Constatine begins to transform inside. Midnite enters and shoots everything up. Nice shot with the Winchester Rifle. The house robbers insist on playing the record. Constantine begins a spell that appears to be dark magic. Midnite is upset that the robbers died in the booth, just like Willie.

Uh oh! Big dilemma! Will Ian take the cancer back to save his wife’s life? With a little pressure, Anton is forced to swallow the contract and break the deal. Cheesy comment, about eating the contract. And he swallows it whole. As the show ends, Midnite throws a voodoo doll of Constantine into a fire! Eerie!!


Well, it appears we finally got a long-term villain this week in Papa Midnite. However, he wasn’t vaguely scary or interesting, for that matter. The episode’s plot, which was focused on a modern day Robert Johnson or a musician and his deal with the devil, was entertaining. The episode was good, but similar to the past episodes, something seems to be missing. Where is the show’s heart and soul?

Still, this was a somewhat fun episode. A 7 out of 10 should be good.

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