R04DK11 – Episode 9 starts with Sweet Tooth (Joe Seanoa aka Samoa Joe) explaining to his riding mate, Stu (Mike Mitchell) why he wipes back to front. The two have just successfully raided another outpost and are ready to load their newly acquired rewards when Mike (Tahj Vaughans) is revealed in the back of the ice cream truck. He’s got a new fancy piece of jewelry in the form of a shock collar and Sweet Tooth has started treating him like Stu’s new puppy. When Sweet Tooth jolts the man for the fun of it and pulls him out of the truck, he notices the wreckage. Mike can’t help but ask if Sweet is responsible for all the deaths. Tossing him a missile, Sweet Tooth orders the new puppy to load up the rest. Mike’s response is to beg to be released. He’s already told them everything he knows about Stone and his operation. This only incites Sweet Tooth to hit the man with a spray bottle containing a liquidly yellow substance.

Realizing that the bottle is nearly empty, Sweet Tooth declares that he needs to refuel. When left alone, Mike tries to point out what a psychopath the clown is and how unlike it is Stu’s nature to be going down this path. Stu defends himself by pointing out how Mike betrayed him to Agent Stone (Thomas Haden Church) and Sweet Tooth is nothing like the vigilante law officer. Stu even goes as far as claiming that Sweet listens to him. Sweet Tooth returns in the midst of zipping up his pants and announcing to the crowd that he dropped a few kidney stones in the bottle. It doesn’t take the clown long to pick up on the awkwardness of the situation and asks what’s going on. Stu, thinking quickly, claims they were merely talking about shooting stuff and killing things. Mike adds to it, and boobies. Well, Sweet’s plans entail two of those three things. It would be perfect three if the titties are theirs. As if trying to prove his lifelong friend wrong, Stu points out to Sweet Tooth that Stone thinks they are dead.

This literally gives them a free pass to go anywhere they want and start over. After mildly considering it, Sweet Tooth claims to have a much better plan. Seconds later, all three are in the ice cream truck, speeding down the highway. Stu and Mike are now in full clown paint. Harold, riding shotgun, of course, is ordered to open wide as Sweet Tooth pulls from the brown paper bag a canister of lighter fluid. Squirting it all over his head, Sweet Tooth gives Stubert a grill lighter and tells him he’ll let him know when it’s time.

The Holy Man Camp – With Evelyn’s burnt steering wheel in hand, John Doe (Anthony Mackie) carefully picks his way through the burning remains of the Holy Man compound. He soon comes to a decrepit warehouse and is hit with a bit of wistful nostalgia when he spots Quiet’s (Stephanie Beatriz) hatchet. Verbally berating himself as an idiot, the footage switches over to Quiet who is having an incredibly tough time reading John’s map. Drawing her attention to what appears to be a symbol of a vagina down near Houston proves to be her defining mistake. Turning her attention back to the road, she notices a dead stag in the middle of the road just in time to narrowly miss a collision. This, however, results in her and the newly acquired ride trapped on a grassy embankment. John is clueless about Quiet’s possession of the Chicago package as he wastes crucial time searching for it. Once he gives up, he does hit a bit of lucky pay dirt by spotting a nearby vehicle that has the same foreign sporty body as Evelyn.

Unfortunately, the hot wiring campaign isn’t successful, but it does provide enough juice to spark the CB radio to life. Quiet isn’t having much better luck as she unsuccessfully attempts to push the stuck vehicle from the grassy embankment. She verbally debates with herself about how she’ll explain showing up in New San Francisco with the package. She’s not at all shocked or frightened when Mark The Vulture (Ryan Reinike) pulls over and holds her at gunpoint. In fact, Mark is completely thrown when she all but offers her death to him.

Seconds later, the two are perched on the trunk of Quiet’s stuck vehicle enjoying Vienna Sausages. The two are deep into a conversation about the woes of true love. Mark finds himself noting how similar Quiet and John’s whirlwind romance matches that of his and Tashas. His guesses that John left Quiet for another are spot on, he just doesn’t have the context right. It was a blonde with big boobs that drew the man away, it was a 2002 Subaru. Mark can’t judge, seeming that Tasha chose the beautiful blue crystal, meth, over him. Now she’s in heaven and with her untimely departure resulted in the separation of their entire crew. Despite their bonding, Mark is a Vulture at heart and attempts to lift the Chicago package from Quiet. Noticing that she’s been skillfully disarmed, she has no option but to hand the package over. Rather, she tries to throw it over, but it mistakenly lands by his driver’s door. This does offer her the respite she needs to attempt an escape.

Although her going for the driver’s door of her stalled vehicle would have been successful, Mark’s head is soon protruding with an arrow. If that wasn’t shocking enough, this sight of Amber (Diany Rodriguez) and her crossbow are even more astonishing. She’s not alone, either. It appears she’s reunited with Miranda Watts (Jamie Neumann), as the semi crew breaks their rule of perpetual motion to load Mark’s car. Climbing in the box of the rig, Quiet finds herself even more shocked when John is revealed to be the source of the convoy’s search party. He attempts to apologize to her, but after learning of Evelyn’s demise, she can’t help but think of herself as the consolation prize.

The Convoy – In the mess of the convoy, John attempts to further repair the two’s relationship with offers of the kitchen’s fresh opossum. This only results in the plate clattering on the floor, which forces Watts to intervene. Pointing out the effort that it takes to hunt down and kill the little critters, Watts approaches more pressing matters. Stone might be completely flustered with Sweet Tooth raiding his outposts, but he’s fallen back to the Hoover Dam. Long story short, they aren’t going to be going through the dam to get back to New San Fran. There, however, is still some good news. Supposedly, there is another route. The only problem with that is that it will require one heck of a ride to punch through the supposed breach. Quiet still isn’t in a cooperative mood, as John points out that they have their work cut out for them. In addition to that, Watts and her convoy want nothing to do with their fight. She is willing to take the duo as far north as possible, but after that, they’re out.

Outside The Dam – With his troops gathered outside the Dam, Agent Stone delivers a heck of a halftime pep talk. Artfully, he relates today’s dystopian world with that of the one his grandfather faced back on the ranch. The man was a cattle rancher with an immense herd. Cattle might be delicious, but they’ve got to be one of the dumbest breeds on earth. Leave a gate open, they’ll walk right through it. They’ll eat your crops, destroy your property, crap everywhere, and even crap on each other. They are simply dumb, but it was the dogs that were the real bosses. Smart enough to command respect while reigning down order. The mute, the milkmen, they are the cattle, and the law are the dogs.

The Convoy – John and Quiet get elbow-deep into their restoration project. As John works under the hood and Quiet works on the inside, it immediately becomes clear that Quiet is still upset. After some thrown tools and cruel words, John finally gets Quiet to talk about what’s really bothering her. She can’t believe that John chose a car over her, even though he avowed that they would be partners and not just running mates. She’s a passenger riding shotgun, always has been, and always will be. The fireball that she watched explode from the distance only made it worse.  John knew she was tired of losing people and yet he didn’t care enough to choose her. He essentially let her lose him. Quiet puts the exclamation point on her statement by grabbing a nearby knife and jamming it in the front right passenger’s tire.

Although she catches some much-needed z’s, it doesn’t do much for her mood. That is until she discovers the effort John has gone through with the dashboard and her hatchet. Quiet left off working on the passenger’s glove compartment yesterday before her big bash with John. Awakening and returning to the work area, she discovers the job complete and replete with the hatchet that John recovered from the Holy Man compound. Joining her side, this is his attempt to prove that she is much more than just a passenger. Joining her in the Vulture’s car, John attempts further to explain his emotions to her and why Evelyn meant so much to him. Before he found Evelyn, he was a sad, lost little boy. Finding Evelyn changed all that for him, and he promised himself that he would never go back to that part of his life.

Losing Evelyn meant he would be that little boy again. Despite all that, he realized that hurt was nothing compared to losing Quiet. He declares what he did was crappy and apologizes. He wants to be a partner. Right there while pouring out his heart, the Convoy begins taking fire. Despite Watts not wanting to get involved in the fight with the law and John and Quiet reconciliation, things have taken a drastic turn. The Convoy is under fire, three or four of the drivers are dead, and John and Quiet can’t decide on the best way to arm their new ride. Quiet wants to opt for heavy artillery, while John wants to maintain the vehicle’s speed and handling. The best weight to add would be with armor. At about the time he declares this, John nearly climaxes in his pants when he uncovers the ballistic windshield. Back in their designated garage section, they install their new acquisitions while discussing how John learned to drive and maintain vehicles. He attributes his skills to being as natural as breathing, while Quiet is of the mind that someone must have taught him.

Their debate only continues for a few minutes before they are in the vehicle and now arguing over a name. Roadkill is what they decide on and Mark’s recently discovered mix tape for Tasha is the only tunes they have.

The Wall Breach – John and Quiet have just finished Roadkill in time for their arrival at the wall breach. Carefully maneuvering the vehicle out of the back of the Convoy reveals that the breach is where Stone delivered his big halftime speech. The place, however, appears to be completely desolate. That is until Quiet hears and sees the word RESISTED, the same word that was painted on the side of the purple hearse. Speaking of the hearse, Quiet is now staring at it and she knows Stone is nearby. Luckily John opted for the ballistic windshield otherwise Quiet would be dead via an expertly placed sniper round from Stone. From the apex of the tower, he fires another shot, while Tinker (Angel Giuffria) and Amber debate over the reason for their sudden stoppage.

Unfortunately, it’s too late for them to realize the trap they’ve been led into. Jamie (Chelle Ramos) and Carl Roberts (Michael Carollo) pop up in the purple hearse and several other close vehicles rumble to life with agents. John can’t help but admire Stone’s artisanship in designing traps, while Amber radios to Watts for help. Geared up and ready for a battle outside her Formula-1-inspired racer, Watts tells Amber that a twister is coming,

While John and Quiet embrace hands on the gearshift, they hear the ringing of a distantly familiar melody. Several rockets and explosions later, from inside the eponymous ice cream truck, Sweet Tooth gives Stu the order to light it up. He lights the top of Sweet Tooth’s head on fire.

 

Twisted Metal Review

Wow, what an incredible episode. As far as pre-finale episodes go, this one would be hard to top. It had it all. A bit of sorrow, a bit of woe, a bit of redemption, and the lead into what should be an amazing finale. It was gratifying to witness John and Quiet build a new vehicle together. The return of the Convoy was a much welcome addition as was the unveiling of Watts’ Twister vehicle. Sweet Tooth’s evening the playing field was perfect and Stone’s halftime speech would be enough to rally even the further come-from-behind victories. I don’t know if I could find anything negative to say if I wanted. The episode earns an easy 6.6 out of 10.

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