Kevin Haddock – As the opening episode of Time Bandits begins, Kevin Haddock jumps out of bed and rushes to his parents to remind them it’s his birthday. He tells them he’s going to drag them to see wood this year. Before long, Kevin and his parents are at Woodhendge. His sister, Saffron (Kiera Thompson) is not impressed. Mr. Mike Haddock (James Dryden) suggests the site was used for executions since they brought people there to bore them to death. Back at home, Saffron asks her brother why he can’t have a normal birthday. Kevin thinks she’ll understand when she’s older. Later, Kevin tells his football team about the oldest Mesoamerican football court.

He continues to embarrass himself after being picked last even though one boy is on crutches. At home, Kevin paints and talks to himself. He hears a loud noise but thinks nothing of it. This happens again that night. Kevin enters his wardrobe and ends up in a different area. People try to kill him so he attempts to run back home. One of the men returns home with him. Kevin runs downstairs to tell his parents there is a Viking warrior in his room. They try to tell him it was just a dream. Kevin returns to his room where he struggles to speak to the Viking. When the Viking warrior goes outside to a boat, Kevin decides to tag along. He tells his parents before running into a wall. His parents blame the fact he’s looking into the past.

Later that night, people enter Kevin’s room after escaping someone. Kevin uses his flashlight to see them. Widgit (Roger Jean Nsengiyumva) quickly blames Penelope and says it was her idea. Penelope (Lisa Kudrow) argues they’re all equal and she isn’t the leader. Kevin tells them he’s just a child. They thought he was the Supreme Being. Kevin soon learns that he’s in a transtemporal portal. The Supreme Being (Taika Waititi) wants the map. Widgit tells Bittelig (Rune Temte) to push the wall because the map says there’s an exit there. Kevin escapes with the others. He ends up on a boat with the others and hopes he’s dreaming. Kevin notices Chinese pirates behind them. He suspects they’re in the final battle between Madame Chung (Katlyn Wong) and the British Navy.

At one point, Kevin is hit with an arrow. He isn’t worried because he’s in a dream and can’t die. They try to make it to the nearest portal. Widgit read the map wrong so they enter a normal door. Before long, they’re approached by Madame Chung. Kevin is given a translation cap so he can understand what Madame Chung is saying. Kevin interrupts and calls himself a big fan. He tells Chung that she needs to change course. Kevin convinces her to change course. Once they reach the destination, Penelope thinks they should leave Kevin behind. When Madame Chung says he could be useful, Penelope changes her mind and takes Kevin with her. Then, they all jump into another portal. Penelope finds out that Kevin only reads the past. She decides they have to get rid of him again. Kevin is shocked to see Stonehenge being built nearby.

He decides to find out why Stonehenge was built. Penelope begins believing Kevin might be the new Susan. As Kevin walks over, one of the workers is crushed to death. He asks the man in charge whether Stonehenge is a map of the stars. Kevin soon learns his dad was right and it’s just a pile of rocks with a gift shop. Penelope gives a toast to the greatest thieves ever. Kevin asks about their stories. Penelope says Firestorm is catching on as a nickname for her. Her fiancé has gone missing. Penelope claims Judy (Charlyne Yi) has no respect for leadership. Alto (Tadhg Murphy) is the master of disguise. Widgit is the master map reader and he doesn’t trust Kevin. Finally, Penelope introduces Bittelig who has the strength of seven average men. She explains they were running from the Supreme Being.

He was their boss and he got upset at them. They stole the map and went on the run together. Kevin tells them it’s uncool to steal, especially when they’re stealing from history. Penelope and the others contemplate taking Kevin home. Wrongness (Jemaine Clement) calls for Damon (Jonny Brugh) instead of Demon (Shane Rangi). They talk about his plans and what’s going on in the world. Damon overheard the Supreme Being mentioning that the plans had been stolen. Wrongness wants to get them before the Supreme Being retrieves them. Damon also heard where the Supreme Being was going to find the map. It was a little place called Bingley in 2024. Wrongness calls for Fianna the Huntress (Rachel House). Kevin and the others go through the next portal. Kevin sees Troy and learns Penelope’s gang wants to steal the Trojan horse.

He’s worried it’s too big for them to steal, but they are confident they can steal anything. Kevin tells them how the Greeks are going to use the horse to ambush the Trojans. Since the next portal is inside Troy, Kevin says they’ll have to go inside with the horse. They climb inside with the soldiers. The guards outside Troy talk about the horse and whether it’s suspicious. The guards end up setting the horse on fire. Their boss comes out and tells them to put it out. Cassandra (Zoe Ventoura) worries the horse will be the downfall of Troy, but they don’t believe her. They eventually bring the horse inside the wall. Penelope tells them to scatter and steal stuff before they enter the portal. Cassandra speaks to Kevin and reveals she has a big curse on her. She can see the future, but no one ever believes her. Kevin always wanted to go back in time. He isn’t sure he belongs there now.

Cassandra tells him about all the great things he’s going to do. Before Kevin leaves in the portal, he tells Cassandra she was right about the horse. Wrongness tells Fianna she will obtain the plans for the universe. He warns her not to take any chances.

 

Time Bandits Review

Apple’s Time Bandits is a reimagining of the 1981 film of the same name. The story is fairly simple with history buff Kevin finding himself a part of the history that he enjoys so much. The cast has an international presence with the likes of Roger Jean Nsengiyumva, Rune Temte, Charlyne Yi, Rachel House, and Jemaine Clement. The opening episode only provided a glimpse into these characters and the possibilities for future episodes.

The cast is obviously much different than the film which had six dwarfs traveling through history with Kevin. That wasn’t really an issue in the opening episode even though it may not sit right with many viewers. As with the original, the ideas are very compelling. However, the script here isn’t particularly strong although there is time to grow.

In particular, the humor and delivery didn’t hit the target in the first episode and the pacing is a bit too fast. The history-based stories could be much stronger if they were given more time. Instead, the episode felt like it was ping-ponging from one story to another far too quickly. Everything about the episode felt really impersonal with no one to care about or anything to care about for that matter.

Simultaneously, there was nothing humorous about the opening episode and many scenes written to be funny were actually annoying. The cast was a bit awkward at times with no one looking competent in the first episode. Based on just this episode, the series isn’t appallingly bad but it probably isn’t good enough to remember each week and follow along with the unforgivable weekly releases.

If everything was available at once, it would at least be possible to judge the series as a whole. Otherwise, it’s likely three-quarters of viewers will forget this by the time the finale airs in mid-August. The episode scores a 5 out of 10. Recaps of Time Bandits can be found on Reel Mockery here.

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