The show begins with Anne Darwin (Monica Dolan) and John Darwin (Eddie Marsan) discussing his turning himself in. Anne isn’t keen on the idea. He accuses her of fighting him at every turn. He assures her that he has been right every time and will do it once again. Regardless, he has made up his mind, so they can reunite with Mark Darwin (Mark Stanley) and Anthony “Ant” Darwin (Dominic Applewhite). Grinning, he promises this time, they will start afresh with a new beginning.

In narration, Anne explains how John figured his plan would fail. So, he created a backup plan just in case. He forced her to study his plan to ensure it is not conflicting. She says John headed back to the UK to implement his amnesia plan. She describes her situation as “powerless” and “alone.”

On a train, John is having an anxiety attack. A commuter (Marilyn Nnadebe) asks if he is all right. He tells her he is unsure but believes his sons and wife are gone forever.

A woman escorts John to the West End Central Police Station in a city that he doesn’t recognize. John meets with Sgt. Craig Clark-Darby (Marcus Onilude) to turn himself in. He claims to have no memory of his past life but believes he may have been married, with children. He tells the officer his last memory is of a 2000 summer Norway holiday. Clark-Darby asks if he knows the current year. He says, “Winter 2000.” He tells him it is December 2007. John pretends to be astonished before identifying himself as John Darwin.

Mark receives a call from the police officer to alert him of his father being alive. Mark assures the officer that his father is deceased. Clark-Darby reminds him of his father being declared dead. He informs Mark that John asked questions about Anne, Ant, and his former address. When he alerts Ant, he warns him that it could be a prank.

Mark arrives at the police department to meet with Clark-Darby. He suggests not asking John a lot of questions because he is severely disoriented. Mark gains his composure before entering the room, where John is being held. John pretends to be surprised to see Mark while Mark is truthfully shocked to see him. They bear hug. Ant is escorted to John.

Anne receives a call from Mark to alert her of John’s reappearance. Mark is overjoyed with the discovery of his father still being alive. When she speaks to John, she pretends to be surprised. He tells her that he has been suffering from amnesia. He apologizes to her while she pretends to be in disbelief. Mark tells Anne it feels like a dream. She asks where John has been. He says John is unsure and will be staying with Ant for a while. She questions if the police are going to detain him. He suggests she return to the UK.

Anne wades into the sea.

Mirror Reporter Amy (Kate O’Rourke) is asked to put a Miami journalist on John’s story.

Ant checks in on John. He and Mark discuss Anne’s delay in returning to the UK. They agree to contact their grandfather about John since his story is running on all the news channels. A news crew is out in front of Ant’s home.

David Leigh (David Fynn) arrives at the airport. He meets with Stef before heading to Anne’s place, where John looks through a photo album with Mark and Ant. John asks if his father is still living. Mark assures him that he is 90 years old. John questions why Anne relocated to Panama. Mark explains how his missing impacted Anne. He says she no longer wanted to stay in the house they shared.

David and Stef arrive at Anne’s place. No one comes to the door.

John is lying in bed as the crowd outside the house grows.

David knocks on the door again. This time Anne responds. He explains how he would like to discuss John’s disappearance. She refuses his offer until she sees his press ID. He asks how it was to hear John after so long. She claims to have been happy. He asks if she has talked to John. She describes their conversations as “strange” and “wonderful.” He questions if John had explained where he has been living. She tells him that he is confused. He asks why she hasn’t returned to the UK. She claims to have paperwork to see to. He warns her about an influx of journalists who will be knocking down her door. He offers to take her where they will not be able to find her in exchange for her story. She accepts his offer.

Anne narrates her experience at her attorney’s office. After a bit of strategy, they escaped to freedom.

Amy discovers something on the Internet that Des believes needs to be reported to the police.

David is checking in at a hotel when Des contacts him to alert him of a photo. He suggests keeping an eye on Anne to ensure she doesn’t get away. David pulls up the photo on his phone to show to Anne. The photo is of her and John at the real estate office. While she stares quietly at it, he points out that the photo is time-stamped 1-1/2 years prior. She says, “My sons are never gonna forgive me.”

Anne tells David that she initially assumed John had drowned in a canoeing accident. She swears he had amnesia but returned home after he was missing about a year. She says he just showed up at the front door one day. He asks if John ever explained where he had been. She assures him that he doesn’t know. He questions if the canoe accident was real. She acknowledges it was real and responsible for his memory loss. He asks her about the timing of the life insurance claim. She swears it would have never been filed if he returned in advance. She tells him that it was her goal to contact the police, but John wanted to get their finances in order first.

He asks why she relocated to Panama if they planned to repay the life insurance money. She doesn’t respond. He informs her that the police have the photo before suggesting she return to the UK.

Ant is speaking with John when the arresting officer (Jessica May Buxton) arrives for John. He is transported to the police department for potential fraud. When Ant asks what the police are referring to, John promises he will return soon. Ant tries to contact Anne, but she refuses to answer her phone.

Mark is bombarded by reporterers when he arrives at Ant’s house. He shows Ant a newspaper article containing the photo of John and Anne. Ant suggests it is not real. Mark assures him it is real since Anne refuses to answer their calls. Ant asks what his parents have done to them. Mark comforts him.

Det. Supt. Tony Hutchinson (Deka Walmsley) fills DC Phil Bayley and DS Paul Sampson (Andrew Lancel) on the case. Sampson asks if Mark and Ant were part of the scheme.  Hutchinson says one of the sons contacted the police department to determine if they are to be interviewed.

David and Anne leave for the airport.

Ant and Mark continue discussing the case. He says the police are describing it as a money-laundering scheme. Ant reminds him of them signing some documents at their mother’s request. Mark suggests they do whatever is necessary to protect themselves. They decide to hold a press conference. Mark tells the press they are victims of fraud. John is escorted into the police department while David reads their press conference to Anne. Ant and Mark agree to have no further contact with their parents.

John tells Mike Fowler (Tom Bonington) that he wouldn’t have returned if he was trying to hide something. He refers to the police as “clowns” when he assures Mike that they won’t pin anything on him.

Anne tells David that she honestly believed John had died in an accident. She asks what kind of mum could do something so dreadful to their children. She claims John came clean about faking his own death after he reappeared. David asks if he lied about having amnesia. She acknowledges it wasn’t real. He asks where John was living when he returned home. She tells him about John living next door to her. While he writes up the article, she asks him to add an apology to her children.

John tells Sampson and Bayley that the lenders should be there in his place. Mike tries to get him to remain quiet, but he refuses. He goes on a rant about credit card companies luring consumers in with their promises. He says they don’t think twice about taking down consumers who can’t pay off their accounts. Sampson asks if it was just about the money. He admits it was about the money after returning home. He sticks with his amnesia story. Sampson shows Anne’s story in which she told Daily Mirror journalist that John faked amnesia. He suggests they not believe anything Anne has to say because he never.

When Anne’s plane lands, a police officer is waiting on her. David pleads with the officer to take it easy on Anne. She is arrested for suspicion of fraud. The police transport her to the station.

Hutchinson holds a press conference to alert the public of Anne and John haven’t been charged yet. The reporters laugh when he explains how his memory is improving. Ant responds to a reporter who asks if they were part of the scheme.

John and Anne are taken to jail. They are placed in isolation as the episode comes to an end.

 

The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe Review

A boring episode that could have been summed up in 15 minutes. Anne and John are taken to jail while Ant and Mark tried to keep their names from being dragged in the mud.

Another great performance by Eddie Marson and Monica Dolan. It was good to see Mark Stanley and Dominic Applewhite get some airtime. The best part of the show is the fantastic acting.

This should have a two-part mini-series, not four episodes. I was bored to tears when the episode came to an end.

The episode deserves a 5.5. Get more The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking the link.