As the second episode of Nine Perfect Strangers begins, we see Zoe Marconi (Grace Van Patten) panting and running through the woods. When she sits down, Frances Welty (Melissa McCarthy) approaches and asks if she is okay. Zoe insists she is fine, and it is nothing but a little panic attack. She didn’t want to disrupt the session, so she ran away, but Frances believes Heather (Asher Keddie) already disrupted the session by wanting to claw Masha’s eyes out. Then, Frances learns about Zoe’s brother Zach who stopped living three years ago. This week would’ve been her twin brother’s 21^st birthday but he passed the day before his 18^th birthday. Heather arrives in time to see Frances hugging and comforting her daughter while Zoe admits she wasn’t close to her brother. Heather tries to get Frances to leave, but her daughter insists it is fine.

Zoe leaves in a hurry so she can go for a run before Frances tells Heather that Zoe was telling her about Zach and his passing. Frances gives Heather her condolences and gets a thank you. Meanwhile, Tony Hogburn (Bobby Cannavale) complains about his bag being searched. Lars Lee (Luke Evans) listens as Tony calls it a crime and Delilah (Tiffany Boone) tries to calm him down. When Tony says he has prescription medication and he wants it back, Masha tells Yao (Manny Jacinto) to go retrieve it for him. Masha (Nicole Kidman) asks if he wants his vodka too or if he takes them separately. Tony curses so Napoleon (Michael Shannon) quickly tries to defuse the situation. The others begin questioning their decisions to come to Tranquillum. Lars says they were picked since Masha accepts less than 10% of her applicants.

Carmel (Regina Hall) asks what Masha looks for in her guests. Frances says damage, but Masha quickly corrects her and says potential. She asks Frances if that is how she is feeling about her life. Frances responds she knows women like her who are so driven and dedicated to perfection that they’re not even human anymore. She insists she didn’t come there to struggle and wanted to have fun. Tony interrupts and says he’d like to talk to her in private. They go to a private room and Tony tells Masha she is obviously a smart person while she lights candles. He doesn’t understand since no qualified professional would confiscate someone’s medication, but Masha claims he is a drug addict. She reminds him there are many detoxes and rehabs he could’ve gone to. She wonders if he came there to fix what caused him to become a drug addict in the first place.

He tells her about his surgeries, but she believes that is just a story he uses to stay checked out of his entire life. She asks about his divorce and two children. He wonders if she is going to get people to talk about their crap so she can use it against them. When she asks if he is happy with his life, he questions whether anyone is. He pleads for his medicine, and she offers him one pill now and one every morning. She pulls out his vodka while saying she wants him to be healed and whole. She reaches out her hand with the pill in it and says she only wanted to take his secret. He quickly grabs it and takes it with the vodka. Later that night, Jessica Chandler (Samara Weaving) sneaks up on Frances and scares her. Both agree that the welcoming thing was crazy before Jessica sits down and admits she is a huge fan of Frances. She says the British dude claimed Masha picked all of them for their crisis and she wants to know what Frances’s crisis is.

Jessica stops herself from being noisy. Frances insists she doesn’t have a crisis and only came for rest and relaxation. As for Jessica, she admits she is having problems with her husband Ben (Melvin Gregg). Frances reveals she was married twice but isn’t now. Jessica begins quoting lines from Frances’s book Nathaniel’s Kiss. She insists being seen is the best feeling in the world. Frances encourages her not to look for the truth about love in music, movies, or novels because they lie. She claims they’re all full of lies and calls everyone hustlers of the heart. Jessica leaves and the night ends. Masha wakes up, talks to a goat, and goes for a run while remembering dancing during her childhood. When she stops, she finds a text on her phone congratulating her since it is her last week on Earth.

Napoleon finishes his shower and reminds Heather that they want them to get there promptly at seven. She contemplates skipping breakfast and going for a run, but her husband says breakfast is mandatory. He encourages her to surrender to them. Heather insists there is only so much surrendering she can do. They talk about following the rules before Heather reminds him that he said things happen for a reason right after. She admits she is mad at him for constantly being upbeat. She accuses him of making her feel alone. When he sits down, she admits he didn’t deserve that, but he got it anyway. Then, we see Carmel checking her weight and liking the numbers. Frances finds out that her friend isn’t coming because Ari was in a car accident and was put into an induced coma. She admits he is an imaginary person and she told him she loved him. She is told this happens to a lot of women her age and in these same circumstances.

Everyone gets together for breakfast and Carmel tells Lars she lost weight. When she admits she wants to be thinner, Ben says he doesn’t understand why everyone is obsessed with that little thing. Frances believes the essence of life is being a little better than you were the day before. Tony joins them and apologizes for being rough yesterday. That convinces Lars that he got his medications back. Ben asks Tony who he is because his face seems familiar. They’re interrupted when Delilah and Yao enter and tell them they’re going to start the day with a little dirt digging. Frances comes up with an excuse not to do it, so Tony calls her out for having an excuse for everything. He also admits they’re not a team. We see Masha underwater and flashbacks of her life. Yao checks on her and learns about the disturbing messages she received. She calls them anonymous threats and admits they could be from anyone since she wasn’t a nice person in her previous life.

When she asks if he and Delilah are okay, he admits she still gets a little jealous. Masha says she’ll have to get over that while claiming they’ll always be bound. Tony and Frances argue while digging graves. Masha arrives and asks them to lie down in their ditches. She says they spend their days ignoring the fact that their time here is limited. She claims they do it because it forces them to confront their deepest regret. Masha tells them to close their eyes and pretend they’ve returned to the Earth. They’re asked to think about the things that matter to them while dirt is thrown into their graves. She encourages them to think about the people who will mourn them and what they’ll say about their lives. Once Frances has had enough, she calls the exercise ridiculous. Frances wonders what it would take to get out of the dirt hole before admitting nobody would care if she died today. She tells France that this isn’t just about her before saying they’ll have the chance to come back and reinvent themselves.

She encourages them to rebirth themselves into their new lives. Once Masha leaves, Ben admits that was interesting and Jessica asks him to be open. Yao tells everyone they’re going to be hiking, but Frances can get acupuncture. Jessica is going to have a session with Masha. Frances gets acupuncture treatment while talking to Glory (Zoe Terakes) and another staff member. Glory takes her blood and insists she is doing so for her blood sugar. Frances asks them if Masha is real or crazy, so Glory responds she is the realest of them all. When Jessica meets with Masha, she is asked why she has come to Tranquillum. Jessica wants transformation and to fix what is broken. Masha realizes she is nervous and tells her there is no reason to be. She asks Jessica what is making her anxious. Jessica admits it is Masha because she is smart and hot. Jessica says it is hard for people to see her on the inside and Masha argues she was afraid before she knew of her existence.

When Jessica was in the dirt hole, she thought about comments and how it was so tragic for someone young and beautiful to die. It made her feel better for a second until she realized her Instagram account would be deleted a week later and she’d be forgotten. Jessica wants her life to mean something, but she came to find out why he doesn’t love her anymore. Meanwhile, Frances goes swimming. Tony interrupts and tries to join her, but she wants him to leave. He admits he came because people have been telling him to screw off his entire adult life and she has medaled at it. He says he isn’t going anywhere and will be enjoying the food and pool. He says every day is a gift and this place is a gift, but Frances pretends not to hear him. He jumps in and causes her to get soaked. Meanwhile, the others go on a hike.

Ben and Carmel try to find out more about Masha from Jessica. Ben thinks they’re star struck, but Carmel suggests otherwise since she did wardrobe, makeup, and other things on Broadway. Once she had her girls, her husband convinced her to quit because he made enough money. Ben says it was nice that she had time with her kids, and she doesn’t like that he used the past tense word. Meanwhile, Lars complains about the breeders and the fact that overpopulation is a serious threat. Their hike is watched using CCTV cameras. During this time, Tony messes with Frances while she tries to sleep in the pool. He nearly chokes her and has to give her the Heimlich maneuver. She eventually finds out that he put a grape in her mouth and nearly killed her. He offers her grapes and that only makes matter worse. Once they get out of the pool, Tony asks her about Paul since she was saying his name.

She denies it before claiming she doesn’t know who Paul is. She says it is none of his business, but eventually admits it is Paul Drabble. He was a man she met online and fell in love with, but he didn’t fall in love with her. He was supposedly from Canada with a fake child and illness. She sent him a lot of money. She insists she doesn’t need to find a man online before arguing it might’ve been worth it. He recommends she put it in one of her books. When asked if he read her books, he says he read a snippet of it yesterday. He says he read the article about her Beating Heart, but it can’t be because it is still in manuscript form. She wonders if he is telling the truth while he insists the critic didn’t like it very much. She leaves. Meanwhile, the others play a kid’s game led by Glory. Heather walks off by herself while her husband plays the game with Carmel. Zoe notices her near the edge and alerts the others. When Napoleon grabs her, she tells him to take his hands off her. Delilah tells him to step back and he does.

Delilah holds her hand and tries to find out what is going on. She tells Heather that holding hands can be more intimate than lovemaking. Delilah asks her what she feels and whether it is someone who has stood where she stands. Heather says she has never stood where she stands. Zoe gets upset and runs away. Later, Delilah tells Masha and Yao about Heather, but she isn’t sure whether she was going to jump. Delilah warns Masha that the group is a powder keg and Lars is more than a guest. Masha asks Yao to sweep his room again before Frances walks by and interrupts. Frances speaks to Masha in private and admits she thinks she needs to leave. She claims she just had a near-death experience and saw the truth. Frances says the truth is that she is a twice divorced middle-aged punchline. She used to be able to write her way out of these messes, but she can’t do it now.

Masha says she is a car running out of fuel, but she’ll refuel in a few days and feel a thousand times better. Masha tells her about Kintsugi or the Japanese art of repairing pottery. France isn’t sure she wants that. Masha tells her it is what she needs and asks for one more day. France agrees to give her one more day before Masha returns to her computer room. Tony lays in his grave. Napoleon approaches his daughter and insists that she wasn’t going to jump. Zoe doesn’t believe it. Masha approaches Yao and Delilah who she tells Frances is hurting. She admits they’re a volatile group, but they need all of them. She wants to start the new protocols. Yao and Delilah aren’t sure about that. Nevertheless, Masha says she made the decision and there is no time to waste.

 

Nine Perfect Strangers Review

I sincerely hope the new protocol makes things a lot more interesting because what little interest I had is quickly waning. I am not sure the novel is going to translate well to the small screen because there are too many characters to juggle at once and none of them are particularly interesting. I am more interested in finding out what Lars is all about although I think I have a good idea.

Still, I find that character a bit more interesting than the others and we’ve only seen four or five minutes of him. Something needs to happen quickly because this show is mind-numbingly boring right now. The episode was less entertaining than the first and neither were great. A 6 out of 10 is likely too generous, but it is what it is. With this spectacular cast, the show should’ve been a lot better. Unfortunately, it is a big disappointment. It is lifeless and without significance. Honestly, recapping this episode was so excruciatingly painful I may skip the remaining episodes.

More recaps of Nine Perfect Strangers can be found here.