As the first episode of Nine Perfect Strangers begins, Napoleon Marconi (Michael Shannon) says he is looking forward to going to this place since it has won two global wellness awards. He tells his wife Heather (Asher Keddie) and daughter Zoe (Grace Van Patten) how he got a price break and argues the facility is socially progressive. He goes on to say the wellness center is putting people before profit while Heather and Zoe unenthusiastically agree. Then, we’re introduced to Jessica Chandler (Samara Weaving) who creates a video for social media about going to the transformation retreat called Tranquillum. They’re going to spend ten days at the retreat which is mysterious and not on social media. She tries to record her boyfriend Ben (Melvin Gregg) but he slaps her cellphone away and blames it on the bumps in the road.

Ben doesn’t understand why they’re going to Tranquillum anyway, but Jessica insists they have issues. He complains about the road messing up his suspension before we see Frances Welty (Melissa McCarthy) driving along and singing a song. She complains about not getting a phone call from someone before Erin calls and asks about her adventure. Erin encourages her to give it a chance and not think about him. Erin wishes her luck. The call ends when Frances’s agent Marty (Peter Mackenzie) calls and France asks him about the book business. He quickly realizes she is in a good mood, and she credits the retreat for that. She is reminded of the sweat lodge incident. When she learns they want to buy her out of her contract, she quickly slams on the brakes and stops next to the road. She gets out and yells she is dead to the world. Tony Hogburn (Bobby Cannavale) passes by before getting out and checking on Frances.

She admits she thought she was in the middle of nowhere and gets upset when Tony asks if she is sick and having a mental breakdown. Tony recommends supplements when she says she was having a hot flash. That upsets her even more. He apologizes, calls her a tragic person, and leaves. Moments later, Lars Lee (Luke Evans) stops in a convenience store and buys a bunch of treats. The cashier Sam (Damien Garvey) knows he is going to Tranquillum and is going there as well. A woman interrupts and reveals she is going too. Sam warns Lars he won’t get past the front door with his treats, and they’ll take his cellphone too. Lars finds text messages calling him a narcissist. Sam reveals guests go in looking one way and come out looking another so she must be doing something to them. Although he hasn’t met her, what he has heard makes him want to. Carmel (Regina Hall) talks about being transformed. Lars tells her good luck with that before exiting the store.

As Frances continues to Tranquillum, she complains to Marty and questions why she is a blight on feminism for describing the eye color of her hero. She stops her car and Yao (Manny Jacinto) encourages her to come inside, but she wants a few more minutes. She continues talking while being led inside before Ben and Jessica arrive. She tells Ben they either work on their problems or they don’t. Tony pulls up and begins blowing his horn at them causing Ben to get out and ask what his problem is. Lulu (Isabella Cornish) interrupts and welcomes them to Tranquillum. Jessica doesn’t like the idea of giving up her phone, but she loves how Lulu’s skin looks. Frances continues rambling about the characters in her books and refers to them as her babies. Delilah (Tiffany Boone) walks with Carmel and recommends a little forest bathing to lower her cortisol.

Carmel bumps into Frances and quickly apologizes. She thinks Frances is on the phone with her kids, but soon learns she does something for a living and is talking about that. Delilah promises Carmel that everything will be okay. She convinces Carmel to give up her phone before being told she is so pretty. When Carmel asks if everyone in here is so pretty, Delilah says yes and tells Carmel that includes her too. Yao takes away Frances’s phone before she claims she needs to leave because something just came up. He convinces her to stay while Carmel signs in. France apologizes to Carmel who quickly recognizes her as the writer and says she has read all her books. She steps outside with Yao and doesn’t like seeing Tony out there. When Tony says he needs to use the bathroom, Yao informs him his personal wellness consultant will be back to assist him.

France tells Tony she isn’t a tragic person. As she walks away with Yao, she asks if they vet their clients because Tony looks like a criminal. Jessica tells Ben she understands why they want her phone, but she questions what happens if there is a murderer, bear, or another emergency. Delilah tells Heather and the family about their eating schedule and that there are nine guests. Napoleon goes on and on about the facility before yelling at Frances to introduce himself. They chat briefly about the resort and its mission before Yao finds France and gives her a drink specifically made for her metabolism. France is introduced to Napoleon’s family. She asks why they’re there since they seem perfect, but Heather isn’t sure why she would say that. Napoleon tells France that they’re going to the hot spring before they leave. As soon as they leave, Frances tells Yao what she thinks of Heather, and it isn’t pretty.

Lars learns from Glory (Zoe Terakes) that the facility has an MRI machine and many toys. He asks more questions about the funding of the facility and other things, but Glory doesn’t have the answers. He is shown the legal disclaimer and Delilah admits he would be the first not to sign it. He reads it and learns they won’t be able to post about Tranquillum on social media. Glory prepares to draw his blood, but Lars doesn’t understand since he already gave them his medical records. He is told it is part of how they create his wellness journey so he gives a sample. Carmel sits around and tells herself she is brave, powerful, and will be whoever she came here to be. She peaks around the tree and finds Tony using the bathroom, so she quickly apologizes and be does the same. He asks her not to rat him out to the Russian lady or the warden.

She claims he looks so familiar, but he says he isn’t. Carmel introduces herself and he does the same. Then, he learns that Carmel is there for weight loss and esteem building. Tony insists he is there for the same and wonders what kind of place this is when she asks if he is married. He says he is a lifelong bachelor before returning to the bathroom. Frances is taken to her room which she calls heaven. Yao promises they’ll get her as well as she has ever felt in her life. When she is left alone, she sits and cries until she finds out that Masha (Nicole Kidman) is standing in her doorway. Masha asks why she is crying so France says her career is over and she is dealing with a bad relationship. She admits she thought about not coming and leaving when she got there. Masha explains everyone did because they know it’ll be tough and unpleasant. She insists most people who come have comfortable lives, but they come for the suffering.

When Frances says she doesn’t want to suffer, Masha claims she already is. Heather asks Napoleon why their daughter is in another room. He thinks she’d want her own room, but Heather isn’t sure about that considering what weekend it is. Heather sits down and seems to be having a panic attack, so Napoleon guides her through it. He invites her to the hot springs before orientation, but she decides to go for a run instead. Moments later, Zoe hears Lars talking to someone on his Apple Watch about not meeting Masha just yet. He insists it is screwed up and he can already tell that. When that call ends, he calls Ray (Thomas Webb) to tell him he is at a messed-up spa for work. Lars just wanted him to know in case, but Ray says it isn’t any of his business anymore. Ray tells him to enjoy his ten days before quickly ending the call. Lars turns around and finds Zoe behind him. He denies having a phone and complains about her eavesdropping on him.

They try to explain why they’re at the retreat. When she asks why he thinks it is screwed up, he argues all of them are and it is another construct to separate rich people from their money. She lumps him into that group too. He admits they could actually be friends so she asks how Ray would feel about that. Tony calls someone to tell them where he is even though he doesn’t think they’ll care. Delilah appears behind him and insists she needs to take his phone. He says he was leaving a message for his daughter, but Delilah wants to take the phone regardless. Tony doesn’t think he is supposed to be there since he just searched for the most expensive spa and signed up. He says it is all so random. Delilah reveals they do not believe in random here before convincing Tony to hand over his phone. Heather continues running while Ben and Jessica hang out in the hot spring. She reminds him they were kicked out once before for having sex in another hot spring.

Napoleon shows up and interrupts their romantic interludes. They introduce themselves and Napoleon learns that Ben is driving the Lamborghini. He admits he is only a high school teacher and they got in on a discount. Ben offers to take him for a ride and let him drive the car since being a high school teacher is admirable. Ben tells him the offer only involves his car and not Jessica and that embarrasses his wife. Napoleon quickly tries to convince him otherwise. Napoleon admits his wife is pretty and people often can’t believe she is with him. Seconds later, Yao finds Delilah smoking a cigarette and reminds her they’re running a health resort, but she insists one won’t kill her. She admits the vibe of the group seems a little charged. He is convinced Masha knows what she is doing. Lars and Tony talk about Masha and how she selects her guests until Frances enters and interrupts.

They wait for Masha while Frances tells them she met her and how everyone is there to suffer. Masha enters, welcomes everyone, and says they’re at the foot of a mountain right now. Although the summit seems impossibly far away, she is going to help them reach it. She believes they’ll leave in ten days feeling better and they’ll agree that they’re not the same person. Lars interrupts to ask if they’ve gone through his bags since he is missing a few things. Masha admits they took their chocolate and Tony argues they don’t get to steal their stuff. She approaches him and says he is hers now. She touches his face and asks if any of this seems random. He admits it does not. Carmel begins crying and admits she is so happy. She tells Masha she is everything she had hoped for. Lars wants to know more about her if she wants them to put themselves in her arms.

She claims she died. She came from Russia and worked, built a company, and climbed until she was shot dead in a parking garage. She was clinically dead, but Yao brought her back to life. She claims they’ve all come to die, and she will bring them back. She says she was riding her bicycle as a little girl and reconnecting with her joy and innocence. Heather stops her and says this is inappropriate. Heather continues defying her, so Masha makes her step to the center of the room. Once she does, Masha tells her she prefers she not upset the group. Heather says they came there to escape but Masha says otherwise. She admits she intends to screw with all of them before the episode ends.

 

Nine Perfect Strangers Review

Nine Perfect Strangers should have everything it needs to excel, including a high-profile Hollywood cast, some of the best Australian actors and actresses, and a story based on a New York Times Bestseller. Since I’ve only watched one episode, it is a bit too early to write it off and I will likely watch at least a few more. Ultimately, the opening episode was okay but nothing spectacular or groundbreaking.

I sincerely hope it gets better over the next few episodes, but I am having a difficult time empathizing with the main characters. I am also worried that the book isn’t going to translate to the small screen well since there are too many characters. Again, it is too early to develop a thoughtful opinion of Nine Perfect Strangers as I am convinced my opinion will change after watching a few more episodes.

Still, it might become difficult to relate with any of the characters since there are so many. Only time will tell. The opening episode scores a 7 out of 10. Future recaps of Nine Perfect Strangers will be available on Reel Mockery here.