Say Cheese And Die! – This episode of Goosebumps begins in 1993. A boy enters his basement and takes a picture using his camera. Later, the boy steps outside because he believes someone is out there. He calls out but no one responds. When the lights go out, the boy grabs a candle and locks himself in a room. Howard yells for whatever it is to leave him alone. The basement catches fire just before an explosion. In 2023, Isaiah Howard (Zack Morris) and James (Miles McKenna) go to the restaurant to get something. Nora Parker (Rachael Harris) serves them.

The credit card machine is down so they can’t pay. Instead, Nora gives them saltines. As they leave, Lucas Parker (Will Price) skateboards out of his window and crashes to the concrete below. Colin (Rob Huebel) says hello to his daughter, Margot Stokes (Isa Briones), at the school’s pep rally. Isaiah Howard tries to get the kids hyped for the game. Lucas sits next to Margot and talks to her about people sucking. Later, James gets flustered when he sees Sam (Aiden Howard) in the hallway. When Allison (Rhinnan Payne) comes over, Isaiah tells her that James hasn’t asked Sam out yet. Allison learns that someone altered her video about her upcoming party.

Colin asks Isaiah for a quick word. He warns Isaiah that he somehow landed on academic probation so he can’t play in Friday’s game. Miss Dowling says he just needs to get an A on the big history test tomorrow and she’ll remove him from probation. Nathan Bratt (Justin Long) enters the house that is being renovated. He scares Ben (Leonard Roberts) who learns he is the new owner. Nathan says he inherited the house since he was the closest living relative. He knows that the boy’s parents disappeared after he died in the basement. Nathan thinks the parents did it. When he says he wants to check out the basement, Ben informs him that the door is stuck.

Nathan tries to pry the door open but ends up hurting himself. Ben takes him to get stitches. When they leave, Nathan’s blood moves like a worm and enters the keyhole. Then, the door to the basement opens. Once Isaiah makes it home, he finds his parents arguing about money. Although Laura (Lucia Walters) believes in Isaiah, she doesn’t want to hang the future of their family on him. Ben asks Isaiah how he is feeling about Friday. He says great. Margot comes over to check on him later. She doesn’t think it is fair how much they have riding on his football career. Isaiah says it doesn’t matter because he can’t play anyway.

She tries to convince him that football isn’t the only thing he has. Margot says he just needs to get an A on the next test. She eventually agrees to help him cheat. After they finish the test, Margot tells Isaiah that they had to get an A. She wants to ask about doing something after school, but Allison interrupts to complain about the troll. She explains that the troll sent the post to her parents who made her delete it. They’re going to have to cancel the party. Isaiah thinks they just need a new venue. They go to the Biddle house later that night. Isaiah manages to get through the lock because his dad always uses the same code.

Once they go inside, Isaiah shows off his costume before they begin talking about the kid’s death. When the lights go out, they begin looking for the breaker box to fix the problem. Margot shows up so Isaiah takes responsibility for inviting her. Isaiah ventures into the basement alone. He freaks out when he sees the mask and drops his phone. The others panic when the basement door shuts. Isaiah pops back out with the camera and snaps a picture before yelling “say cheese”. Although the lights come back on, Isaiah admits the fuse box wasn’t in the basement. Others arrive at the party later.

Lucas shows her the worms he found in the kitchen. Allison complains that Isaiah made it weird by inviting Margot. He explains that Margot helped him with something. Isaiah reminds her that they’re neighbors and have been talking for years. Margot asks Isaiah why he didn’t tell Allison. Isaiah says it seemed easier to avoid it. Margot ends up storming off. Lucas asks Isaiah if he wants to see him eat a worm. Nathan arrives moments later and tells everyone it is time to leave before he calls the cops. As Isaiah runs out, he asks others if they’ve seen Allison. He tries calling her. Allison sees someone while walking through the woods.

She begins running from the figure. Isaiah hears her scream. The boy catches up with Allison and burns away. He scares her enough to knock her to the ground. Isaiah catches up with her and helps her up. At school, Isaiah asks James where he was all night because he missed the excitement. James says he and Sam had plenty of excitement on their own. Nathan enters the cafeteria to return Isaiah’s bag to him. Then, he reveals that he is the new English teacher. Nathan insists he isn’t made about it. He says they’ll start fresh during their first class. Isaiah returns his keys before Nathan leaves. Isaiah finds the photos they took in his bag.

There are pictures of scared Margot and scared Allison. After using the vending machine, Margot sees the figure standing nearby. She begins choking on the snake. Isaiah yells for the nurse before using Margot’s EpiPen. He checks the picture and notices that it is what he just saw. Isaiah runs down James causing him to wreck his vehicle.  He shows James the pictures. James doesn’t seem to believe that the camera is haunted. He takes a picture of Isaiah and says there is no such thing as a cursed camera. When Isaiah looks at the picture, he sees himself in his uniform. Isaiah tries to show the picture to Margot, but it disappears before he can.

Margot thought he was coming to check on her and instead complains that he made it about himself again. She tells him that he’ll have to handle this on his own. Isaiah tries to destroy and burn the camera. Then, he plays the football game. During halftime, he opens his locker and finds the camera sitting there. As he is led back onto the field, he yells for the coach to take him out. Since his coach doesn’t listen, Isaiah asks his teammates to protect him. One of his teammates turns into the monster. Isaiah tries to call a timeout only for the referee to turn into the monster. The ball is thrown to him and he imagines that it gets stuck in his hand. Bob questions what he is doing. Nora jumps up and yells for them to stop the game as Isaiah runs from the monsters.

Isaiah ends up crashing to the ground. Bob rushes over and yells for a stretcher. Isaiah notices that his arm is broken. At the hospital, Bob tells Isaiah that they won and he should make a full recovery if he gets after it in physical therapy. It could take up to eight months. Isaiah worries he is going to miss the scholarship window. Ben will find a way to pay the tuition. Ben asks Nora what she is doing there. She says she saw Biddle and he has come back to make them pay for what they did to him. Nora goes on to say this doesn’t end with Isaiah. Nathan seems to be possessed by Biddle at home.

 

Goosebumps Review

Disney seems to have a knack for taking popular franchises and sucking every bit of fun and nostalgia out of them. That seems to be true for Goosebumps based on the opening episode. The writing and characters are just so far out of touch with reality that they’re caricatures instead of remotely accurate representations. This is what Disney wants high school and high schoolers to be like and that just isn’t the case.

Many of the scenes are too dark to see exactly what is going on. Other times, the camerawork is borderline nauseating. The opening episode was filled with clichés that took away everything that made the Goosebumps novels interesting and unique. Nothing in the opening episode was scary and none of the characters were easy to genuinely care about. The over-the-top portrayal of many of the characters is really bad.

The casting can be partly blamed for that because many of the cast members don’t seem natural in their respective roles as American high schoolers. Are You Afraid of the Dark and Goosebumps from the past were truly special, but this revival feels like a money grab to capitalize on the name and nothing else.

Viewers who know nothing about those classics may enjoy what Disney’s latest addition has to offer, but those looking for nostalgic horror are likely to be very disappointed. The episode scores a 4 out of 10. Recaps of Goosebumps are available on Reel Mockery here. Find out how to support our independent work at this link. Learn more about advertising on Reel Mockery here.