As the finale of Boat Story begins, Samuel (Paterson Joseph) watches the play as the other Samuel and Janet are approached by The Tailor. Samuel admits he knew about the boat all along before saying this is the end. In the past, Janet (Daisy Haggard) and Samuel stop the vehicle and check on Pat Tooh (Joanna Scanlan) who is in the trunk. They take her phone and find someone named French in her contacts. The Tailor (Tcheky Karyo) thinks he is getting a call from Pat, but it turns out to be Janet. She says he has taken someone she loves so she has done the same. Janet lets him hear Pat before warning The Tailor his man better not touch a hair on her boy’s head.

The Tailor insists he didn’t take anyone, but Janet says his bloke did. The Tailor says he is not the person they think he is. Janet wants Alan and Samuel wants the money because they’re going to need it if they’re going to disappear. Samuel asks for the money in two bags. The Tailor questions whether Patricia knows who he is. When Janet says no, The Tailor says it should stay that way. He wants to be the one to talk to her. He agrees to give them the money and Alan. Janet says she’ll send him a meeting point. Guy (Craig Fairbrass) tells Alan (Oliver Sheridan) to come with him and bring his instrument. Outside, Guy calls Janet to tell her that her place isn’t going to work. She tells him to speak to his boss. Guy calls The Tailor who tells him that his actions had repercussions.

The Tailor tells him to meet him at the hotel with the boy. He calls it the glorious end of it all. Once they meet, Guy tells The Tailor that they want to meet at some old reservoir. The Tailor says it will begin and end with a boat. Samuel tells Janet that he locked them into a shipping container. He really wants to believe that they’ll get the money and The Tailor will just walk away with his woman but he just can’t. Janet says she can buy a kitchen knife. Samuel isn’t going to let her do that. Superintendent Hodgson (Nigel Betts) listens to a voicemail from Ben (Ethan Lawrence) who tells him he is at the location of the suspect. If he doesn’t hear from him in the next hour, something has happened to him or he’s lost his phone. Hodgson asks Jennings to check on Officer Tooh.

Jennings tries to get in touch with Ben using her radio but she doesn’t get a response. She attempts to get a ping on his radio. Police find Ben’s body a short time later as well as the pamphlet. Samuel and Janet put on masks before getting Pat out of the boot of their vehicle. They take off the masks when Pat admits she recognizes them from the hospital. Janet holds her at knifepoint even though Pat doesn’t think they seem like the type to do this sort of thing. Pat suspects this is about The Tailor. Pat says she isn’t the one he liked. Instead, she just looked like an actress in some film called Les Enfants that she never got to see the end of. Pat says the actress’s name is Genevieve LaRue. She says it is about twin boys whose father is a tailor. There is an accident that kills one boy and the father so the one boy is left all alone.

LaRue is the one who passes by and calls the ambulance. Pat says it is like someone put The Tailor’s entire life story up on the screen. She believes people only turn bad for love or money. Janet wonders where the heck they are. She calls Guy who lets her speak to Alan. In the present, Craig Dodds (Phil Daniels) asks Samuel what he thinks after the play. Samuel asks why he pretended he knew about the boat and drugs all along. Craig says there needed to be more conflict. Samuel argues that isn’t what happened. He gives Craig the head made of resin and asks for his money. Samuel admits it was pretty much where he left it. Craig gives him 500. Samuel asks if he is interested in finding out how it really ended. Craig says to tell him. In the past, a car finally approaches Janet and the others.

Pat is blindfolded before being led towards The Tailor’s vehicle. The Tailor agrees to let Alan go. Guy grabs his instrument and other belongings from the boot and cuts his hands free. Samuel grabs the bags full of money. The Tailor gets the gun and says he and Pat will get the ending they deserve. He places the gun on the ground and steps back from it. Janet drops the knife and picks up the gun before releasing Pat. Janet flees in the vehicle with Samuel while The Tailor checks on Pat. He tells Pat that he doesn’t need the money when he has her. Pat wants to call Ben, but The Tailor insists there will be time for that. Once she is in the car, Guy asks if The Tailor wants him to follow Samuel and Janet. The Tailor says no because they had a deal. He explains that he is not himself. He asks Guy to take them to the hotel and go back home.

Janet questions why he just let them go like that. Samuel doesn’t care because they’re alive. Alan tells them about Guy shooting Ben like it was nothing. At this point, Janet told Alan everything. She didn’t know what was happening at the police station. Jennings tells Hodgson that the gun at the caravan matches the one used in the shooting. Hodgson admits that Ben was right so he wants Janet Campbell and Samuel Wells found. Janet finds a betting slip from the day Vinnie paid them. She questions whether Samuel has learned anything. Janet tells Alan she is going to run to someplace with no extradition. Alan suggests going to Cuba. Janet doesn’t think he should come, but Alan says life is short. They hear that the police are looking for them on the radio. Janet thinks they should split up.

The Tailor wants to take care of Pat instead of going to the police. Pat says she watched the movie with Madame Bethune although she didn’t see the end. The Tailor admits it is his life up on the screen. It was strange watching his life on screen. Although The Tailor says it wasn’t any different, a flashback appears to show otherwise because his father was violent. His father tells him not to come upstairs until the film is over. The movie was actually an escape from his childhood. Pat insists she isn’t Madame Bethune. The Tailor insists he wants her. Samuel tries to call Camilla but gets her voicemail message. Janet questions whether Pat will be okay since the policeman who got killed was her son. Samuel argues Pat made her choice to be with that lunatic.

He says they both need to get as far away from there as possible. Once they’re alone, Janet tells Alan that the French bloke was talking a lot about endings. Alan remembers him saying something about endings and boats. Janet asks him about the film, Los Enfants. She believes something is not right. Pat thinks they should report this, but The Tailor says he needs to do this with her. He wants her to try on a dress. Janet and Alan watch the end of the movie in which the tailor and the woman are still together. They continue watching until the tailor takes Madame Bethune to a boat and says society will never accept them. Bethune tells him it is over because she is just too old. The tailor believes it should be kicking in soon and that she’ll be with him forever.

He says she’ll be inside of him. He has an electric knife so he looks like he may eat her. Janet won’t let Alan watch and intends to take him home. She is going to do the right thing. The Tailor takes Pat away and Janet follows them in a taxi. Samuel lets Camilla and Anya out of the storage container before Camilla punches him. Samuel tells them they can’t go home because they know where they live. Camilla wants to get as far away from him as possible. Janet follows Pat and The Tailor to a boat. When Tailor calls her Madame Bethune, Pat says she wants to leave. Janet listens to them argue before trying to sneak into the boat. The Tailor takes Pat down into the boat. He tells her to wait for him and make herself at home. The Tailor locks her inside before she turns around and finds Janet.

The Tailor drives the boat out onto the water. Samuel checks the bag and finds an instrument instead of money. Armed police catch up with him. Janet tells Pat about the movie in which the man eats Madame Bethune. The Tailor prepares for dinner upstairs. He gets Pat and tells her dinner is ready. Janet grabs a wrench once they leave. Pat tells The Tailor that she feels sorry for him because he is not well. Janet messes with the nights. The Tailor urges Pat to eat but she refuses. The Tailor gets upset because that’s not the way it ends. He grabs a weapon before Janet comes in and hits him. The Tailor overpowers her until Pat kills him. Janet tells Pat she can’t go to the police because she is wanted. She tells Pat about Ben.

The case against Samuel was thrown out of court and the stress got him to enlist in Gamblers Anonymous. He met a book editor and wrote a hypothetical memoir. Camilla and Anya discovered a bag with 2 million pounds on their doorstep. Pat went back to work and vowed to never want anything interesting in her life again. That changed when she met a Spanish guy named Carlos. Guy worked for the cartel under new management until he was killed. The Tailor was born in Paris next to the actress. Janet hangs out with Alan. Craig tells Samuel he thought there might be a bonding experience between him and Janet with everything they went through. Craig wants him to put in a good word with her because she might be able to help work out a better ending. Craig insists they’re all obsessed with the end.

 

Boat Story Review

The finale of Boat Story could’ve sorted things out and made the series worthwhile. Instead, it created an even more absurd story that left an empty, frustrated feeling. The writers obviously thought they were more clever than they were and that was evident with the abrupt ending synced with Craig’s words. Truthfully, there was real potential for Boat Story because the premise was good and the cast was great.

However, it is clear that a lot of viewers are going to hate this show because the story is so outlandish and not funny. Most of the performances were good despite the silliness of the story. As for the finale, it was probably the dumbest episode of the series with The Tailor being a cannibal driven by his obsession with an old French movie.

Craig’s play pretending Samuel knew about the drugs in advance was really just a red herring and probably a desperate attempt to make things more interesting because the script was so wishy-washy. Honestly, it is hard to come away from this feeling like my time was well spent. The finale scores a 4 out of 10. Recaps of Boat Story are available on Reel Mockery here.

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