Gods And Fairies – As the second episode of Angelyne begins, Angelyne (Emmy Rossum) goes to a restaurant where she meets with Jeff Glaser (Alex Karpovsky). He gives her the perfume she asked for as she claims it is the way to world peace, but Jeff insists he didn’t bring her perfume. Ang wants to know when he is going to publish this. Jeff isn’t sure because they just started the conversation. Indiegogo has a time limit and Ang wants the filet mignon of billboard space. Jeff explains that he can publish sooner the more they talk and the better he gets to know her. She calls him a Taurus because he is passionate, persistent, and persuasive. Jeff admits he grew up seeing her billboards and asks how she was financing them back in the day. He asks about a rich husband, but Ang insists that was all rumors.

Wendy Wallach (Molly Ephraim) says her dad paid for those billboards. In 1982, Harold Wallach (Martin Freeman) sits down with his family. When it turns seven, the phone begins ringing. Harold’s wife slams her plate to the ground and screams for him to tell her to call his office. He doesn’t know how she got his number. Harold tries to calm Eve while Wendy asks him not to answer the phone. Eve threatens to move back to London if he answers the phone. Harold believes she just likes being upset about things. Wendy remembers it feeling that bad since they used to be a fun, loving, peaceful, Jewish family before Angelyne came along and the calls started.

Every day for years, Ang would call at 7 AM and 11 PM. Wendy asks who this woman was and what was she doing in her life. Angelyne claims Wendy was hardly even a part of the story. Wendy explains that her father Harold ran a printing company that he inherited from his father. The company did posters, billboards, paid ads, and Harold’s employees loved him. One day, Angelyne shows up at Wallach Printing Inc. to speak to Harold. She asks the receptionist to tell him that she is a busty blonde with a business proposition. Ang sits down next to Wendy and learns she is going to be in a television show since she is an actress. Angelyne thought about writing a screenplay about a scientist who creates a giant bra that turns her into a genius who can fight evil.

She wishes Wendy good luck and reminds her it will happen if she believes it will. Angelyne tells Harold how she picked the best printer in the land. He tells her that whoever did her previous photos used the four-color process so the pink doesn’t really pop out like it should. He tries to figure out what she is advertising as Ang says she is whatever he wants her to be. Harold says they do posters for cigarettes, soda, and movies. She continues saying she is advertising herself and wants to put up posters of herself around the city. Harold calls it an unorthodox idea. Ang argues that they didn’t need to send a man to the Moon and that can also be considered an unorthodox idea. They did it anyway and it inspired millions of people around the world.

It might’ve even inspired people around the galaxy. She is only interested in paving new roads instead of following old ones. She offers to find someone else, but Harold says he never thought about it like that before. He believes it could be brilliant like she is making some radical social statement although he isn’t sure what that statement is. They begin coming up with plans for Ang’s face to look over all of Hollywood from a billboard. Harold believes people will look up with curiosity and wonder who she is. He begins laughing after he says she is the billboard queen. Then, he learns that she doesn’t have a budget. If everything goes according to her master plan, she’ll be the most adored celebrity in the universe by 1989.

She tells Harold she’ll be the best investment he ever made. They get together later to pick out a picture for the billboard. Angelyne likes the one with her wearing glasses because she wants a mysterious, ethereal quality. Harold reminds her it is his money and he wants to pick a different picture. Ang says it is her face though. He relents and accepts that. They also agree to just put her name and his number on the billboard. He admits this is all intoxicating before revealing he had dreams of being a big-time film director.

Life got in the way because his father needed him at the plant. Angelyne says they wouldn’t be sitting here today if that happened. She encourages him to take all of those negative thoughts, put them into a ball, and throw them away. When she tells him to focus on the positive, Harold says his daughter is about to star in her own television show. They begin talking about Ang’s family. Her sister is here, there, and everywhere. Their mother died when they were very young while their father abandoned them. Angelyne says men have always had such great power over women. Men have always been able to do what they want to women and sometimes get a slap on the wrist. Other times, nobody says a word.

She believes men are easy to control and seducing a man is the most effective way a woman can control a man. Once you control them, you take the power back. Angelyne claims she seduced an entire city with that first billboard. Her dream team included Harold as the business genius, Freddy as the photo genius, and she was the art. If it wasn’t perfect, they started over. They hunted for the perfect location since it had to be impossible to miss. Ang says people paint her as a vapid, talentless, over-the-top cartoon obsessed with fame and success. More than anything, it is about survival. Once the first billboard goes up, Ang stops her car in the middle of the road to look at it. People ask for her autograph once they find out it is her on the billboard.

Angelyne believes she and Harold were on a rocket ship destined to pop the bubble of the universe. She thinks billboards happened to be the next logical step since it started with posters. When interviewed, she refuses to say who paid for the billboards. Wendy remembers the first billboard so differently. She claims Angelyne might as well have been naked up there because her eyes were glued to those two blimps for breasts. She noticed that the number was to her father’s office. Wendy explains that her father was a wonderful person. He was gentle, child-like, and adored her mother. Regardless, his relationship with Angelyne crossed every boundary. Ang admits they talked a lot, but it was always about business.

It was a busy time for them. While taking a bath, Ang talks on the phone with Harold about the billboard on the corner of Beverly and Western. He thinks that billboard is with Foster & Kleiser and they always overvalue. Ang says she’ll talk to them since they won’t say no to her. She wants to get to ten billboards by the end of the year. Harold checks her updated list that includes a sprinkler system, 24” TV, carpeting, and more. Ang doesn’t understand why the entire world doesn’t work on a barter system. She explains how it works and she would end up with a new billboard. Wendy admits Angelyne was everywhere so she describes her as the water cooler in 1980s LA. Later, Wendy gets her makeup done as she prepares for her television show.

The makeup artist recommends chewing on ice to get thinner. Her moment is ruined when a man enters to tell them he just had another Angelyne sighting. The others begin talking about seeing her and her sugar daddy. They joke around while calling the phone number before Wendy gets mad and slams the phone down. Ang says the phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Besides fans, they also get a call from Joe Haywood at the LA Times. Ang tells Harold to get a list of questions from him so she can approve them first. She also gets an offer to audition for a movie. She explains that marketing drives the industry and she had a built-in fan base. Today is all about Instagram followers which she calls nonsense. Ang claims she started all that.

With her billboards all over, studios were begging for her. During filming, Angelyne works with a man who puts his hand on her leg and tells her to try teasing. She gets up and storms out. Wendy eats ice to stay thin. She picks up the phone to eavesdrop as Ang tells Harold she was disrespected. She complains that the LA Times guy didn’t ask any of the questions she wanted. She doesn’t want to be put in situations like that again. He kept asking about her family and past although she doesn’t think any of that matters. Harold tells her that she has qualities that produce visions. These celebrity leeches focus on tabloid gossip. It might be his fault that she has become too accessible to people. Angelyne reminds him that she wants to be famous for who she is and not what she does.

Harold promises that she doesn’t have to be anyone other than Angelyne ever again. Wendy screams into her pillow. In the present, she says her father was officially living on another planet. During filming, Wendy’s castmate Mike tells her that the show is being canceled. At home, she tells her parents that her show got canceled last week. She kept waiting for them to ask. Harold says that gripes him because he never saw any advertising for the show and you need that to get viewers. He encourages her to focus on the positive since you can turn around an impossible situation and make it possible. That is how Angelyne lives and the results are running. His wife doesn’t want to hear another word about bloody Angelyne.

Wendy asks her father why he spends so much time with Ang because they need him. He is warned that he is going to get a divorce. When Wendy says she doesn’t even have any talent, Harold suggests that is her talent. Wendy says she has real talent. Harold says that is why Ang needs him more. If Wendy needs him, he will be there for her though. Their conversation is interrupted when Ang calls. Angelyne says the world is a cruel place and everyone is just trying to get by. Once you find out what works, you continue moving forward regardless of the roadblocks in your way. In 1984, Wendy was auditioning full-time for guest spots and three-episode arcs. She saw the Corvette and she felt a primal need to key the car. Wendy reintroduces herself to Angelyne who tells her how pretty her hair is.

Wendy claims she was auditioning for a guest spot on The A-Team while Ang claims it was to play a dead hooker. As for Ang, she is in a movie in which she is playing herself. She didn’t even have to audition. Wendy questions whether she is sleeping with her father. Angelyne says no and Wendy believed her since the relationship was never sexual. When she asks Ang what she is doing with him, Angelyne tells her that it has nothing to do with her. Wendy reminds her that Harold is her father. Ang says she has crossed a line now. She goes on to claim Wendy is just upset because her little show got canceled. They argue a bit with Wendy telling Ang that her mother hates her and she should stay out of her family. Ang believes Wendy was jealous of her fame and success since acting didn’t work for her.

Harold invested millions of dollars in Angelyne who claims it paid off. Later, Angelyne shows up late for her meeting with Lou and Sheldon. They say her billboard at Sunset and Vine is in a prime location for one of their clients. They’re eager to take over the contract and willing to throw in a couple thousand extra. Although Harold tells them to talk to his partner, they believe it is over her head. She tells Sheldon it is a joke instead of a generous offer. She wants ten of their billboards including the one on Lankershim and Vineland. Ang reminds Harold that she wanted that one. They negotiate back and forth until Angelyne says they don’t have a deal so they should leave. They agree to eight billboards before she bumps it back up to 10.

In 2001 when Wendy was pregnant with her first kid, she runs into Ang once again. They briefly talk about her pregnancy before Angelyne learns that Harold had a stroke last month. It wasn’t too severe although he is getting up there. Wendy says she isn’t a stalker even though she bought one of her magazines not too long ago. Ang shows her the newest magazine and offers to sell it to her for 20 bucks. Wendy says it took a long time to figure out that Angelyne really wasn’t a threat to her or her career. She ended up being a big part of Wendy’s healing process.

She wrote, directed, and starred in a one-woman show about her experience growing up in the shadow of the Angelyne billboards called Los Angelyne. She decided to forgive her father and Ang since it was exhausting and they never meant to harm anyone. Although she never made Harold famous, she did take him on a great ride. They ride together in the pink Corvette while discussing doing a wall and creating a movie of Angelyne’s life. Harold suggests making a doll. They fly over the city in the Corvette and look at the billboards they put up together. Ang says Harold was different from Cory and the other men in her life. She tells Jeff that the rumors didn’t bother her because people can think what they want.

She doesn’t mind as long as they’re thinking of her. Jeff always used to think who that woman was and what was her story. Now, he finally gets to ask. She claims she is something he has to feel and experience. He’ll have to come with her if he really wants to know.

 

Angelyne Review

Angelyne is not going to be for everyone obviously. The series is cringey and over-the-top, but I would suspect the real-life characters were too. Today, there are countless famous people who really have no reason to be famous. Angelyne managed to achieve that in a time before the Internet so she at least had to put more effort into it. It is interesting to see how she convinced people to help her get what she wanted.

The relationship between Angelyne and Harold was the driver of the episode, but we also learned how their relationship impacted Harold’s family. Considering what this is about and how many people were involved I’d say it has been fairly balanced with most having a say. It has been a cheerful ride so far for those willing to overlook some flaws.

The second episode scores a 6.5 out of 10. Recaps of Angelyne can be found on Reel Mockery here. Find out how to support our work at this link.