Eetsway – The episode begins with Ca$h (Will McDonald), Chook (Tom Wilson), and Jayden (Ari McCarthy) crashing Ian’s stolen (Bran Heffernan) car through a storefront. They stuff merchandise inside the vehicle while a security alarm blares in the background. While police sirens get louder, they jump back into the vehicle only to discover the engine won’t turn over. They grab some merchandise before fleeing the scene.

Amerie Wadia (Ayesha Madon) burns photos of herself and Harper McLean (Asher Yasbincek), a teddy bear, and clothes.

Meredith (Fay du Chateau) tells Harper that she can always be reached by phone. Harper says, “Thanks for everything.” Justin (Ben Oxenbould) tells Meredith that he appreciates what she’s done for Harper. Harper looks around her bedroom before hiding an outfit between two mattresses.

Sasha So (Gemma Chua-Tran) and Quinni Gallagher-Jones) make out in front of Hartley High School. Harper reminds Dusty Reid (Josh Heuston) of what she said about keeping their hook-up private. He asks what if it wasn’t planned. She looks out to see Amerie staring back at her. Dusty asks if she would go out with him. After asking if he’s desperate, she tells him that she has no interest in dating anyone.

Amerie and Darren Rivers (James Majoos) lay on the floor, staring up at a new Incest Map. He tells her to check out all the new “sl**s. Quinni asks who is responsible. Amerie says it only matters that it’s destroyed her life. Quinni adds her and Sasha’s names surrounded by a heart to the map. Amerie assures them that her name will never appear on the map again after being embarrassed by Dusty. Quinni suggests Amerie get a hobby to take her mind off of sex. Amerie says she’ll slap herself every time sex enters her mind.

Amerie tells a Haha student (Ned Morgan) that she assumed the club was like improv. He explains that the members create a circle and laugh. She asks why they do it. After telling her that he isn’t for sure but it’s fun. Ant Vaughn (Brodie Townsend) tells Malakai Mitchell (Thomas Weatherall) that “Map Bit**” has truly cracked it.

Coach Arkell (Stephen Hunter) informs Malakai that he’s been chosen to participate in district tryouts. Malakai tells him that he’s on board. Arkell says as Hartley High’s best basketball players, he and Spider (Bryn Chapman Parish) must practice together as a team. Spider suggests they lift some weights. Malakai promises to join him in a bit while rushing over to ask Amerie if she’d like to hang out sometime. After she says they’ll talk later, she walks away slapping her face.

Amerie tells Sasha that she’s interested in joining “environmentalist social justice.” Sasha says they can’t be friends again just because she and Quinni are dating. After asking who said anything about friends, Amerie tells her that it’s sad how koala contract chlamydia. Sasha says she can’t join.

Amerie refers to chess as the “opposite of sex.” Quinni asks if the chess club has male members. Amerie assures her that they are “not hot, losers.”

Jojo Obah (Chika Ikogwe) teaches sex education. Sasha informs Quinni that she requested for them to work in a quieter area. Quinni tells her that was sweet. Dusty says his dad’s stolen vehicle was crashed into a Heeley Street storefront.

Ca$h reads the class assignment to the group. After saying it’s similar to having sex with your former best friend’s crush, Darren asks Harper if she has something to add. Harper tells him that she doesn’t want to do it. Ca$h says no one is being forced to participate when a text prompts him to leave.

Missy Beckett (Sherry-Lee Watson), Spider, Amerie, Dusty, and Spider work on a class assignment. The guys describe their penises when Amerie slaps her cheek.

Amerie tells Harper to “piss off” when she approaches her. While hiding behind a wall, she overhears the girls bashing her. She has a flashback of Harper suggesting they stick together. Back to the present, Darren suggests she forget about that “bit**.”

Nan (Maggie Dence) asks Ca$h why he isn’t at school. He claims to have free time. She reminds him that free time is for studying. He promises to make her dinner when he returns.

Harper admits she’s been thinking of Amerie. Sasha assures her that no one cares that she and Dusty hooked up. Harper tells them that she has no interest in dating him.

Dusty questions if Harper enjoyed his gig. She assures him that she wouldn’t know. He describes sex with Harper as something meaningful. She suggests Harper likes guys who aren’t uncomfortable about talking about everything. He asks if it should be similar to what he’d say to his therapist. She tells him to not hold anything back. He says Harper acts as if she doesn’t give a sh**.

Malakai and Amerie find each other a distraction. Spider dribbles the basketball ball past him and scores. Amerie imagines Spider and Malakai making out while playing basketball. A pink dildo falls on top of the chessboard.

Ca$h asks Darren if he will keep his bag (stolen merchandise) for a while. Darren sarcastically asks if he doesn’t have a bunch of friends willing to commit the crime. Ca$h describes him as the “only cool person at school.” Darren agrees to keep it for him. Rivers (Scott Major) overhears their conversation.

Dusty admits to having anxiety, steals condoms, and doesn’t visit his grandmother. She tells him that is a lot of information. He promises to not push ever into hanging out with him.

Amerie questions if Dusty spilling his secrets will get him closer to Harper. Darren suggests getting over someone is easier when you get under someone else.

Rivers demands to know why Darren has a bag of sports attire with tags. Darren denies the bag belongs to him. He threatens to turn the bag in to the cops if he doesn’t get rid of it. Darren grabs the bag before leaving.

Darren informs Ca$h that he can no longer hold his bag. Ca$h says he’ll find somewhere else to put it when Darren comes up with a plan. They head to Hartley High School. Ca$h asks if his parents are still married. Darren tells him that when they divorced his mum sent him to “daddy prison.” Ca$h says he’s sorry. Darren assures him it’s okay. They hide the bag on the roof of the school.

Nan tells the police that Ca$h isn’t home. Constable Grant (Noah Fowler) asks if he told her about a sporting goods store robbery. After assuring him that Ca$h is innocent, she denies them entrance without a search warrant. When he tries to respond, she asks if he’s going to strip search her which she may enjoy. She jerks the shower curtain back and demands to know what he did. He asks what she’s talking about. She reminds him that the court approved him to stay there or he’d be locked up. She suggests ditching his friends for new ones that “won’t drag him down the sh**ter.”

Spider asks Malakai if he’s desperate after seeing his social media video. Malakai lifts weights until he vomits. Spider suggests he find another training partner.

Amerie secretively watches Malakai’s workout videos when Harper gives her a note asking to talk. While looking at Harper, she chews the note until forced to spit it out.

Malakai and Amerie play basketball. He asks what’s going on with her and Spider. She tells him that it’s nothing. He says Spider acts like she wronged him. She asks why he’s in SLT. He claims the reception confused him for Malcolm on the Incest Map. She asks why he continues to go. He says you haven’t figured it out before asking if she’d like to hang out. She reminds him that he has practice. Harper approaches but she ignores her.

Chook asks Ca$h if he’s like to hang out at the station. He tells him that Nan has an appointment. Darren asks if Nan’s all right. Ca$h admits there’s no appointment before asking if he’s like to hang out. Darren accepts his offer.

Amerie walks into her bedroom to find Harper braiding Yasmine’s hair. Harper assures her that it wasn’t her intention to hurt her when she and Dusty got together. Amerie suggests they start all over. Harper admits her visit has nothing to do with them being friends again. After pleading with her to open up about what happened, Amerie promises she will always be there for her. Harper tells her that’s “bullsh**.”

While Rivers and Darren discuss the bag, Ca$h walks past the car. Rivers suggests he looks like trouble. Darren sarcastically says what a way to judge a book. Rivers assures him that a white boy won’t take the fall.

Ca$h puts a tattoo on Darren’s leg. When Darren complains of pain, he promises it’ll only hurt for 20 minutes because he likes him. Darren asks why he’s in SLT. Ca$h says, several people.

Harper falls into Dusty’s arms crying.

Amerie asks Malakai if he’d like to help remove her clothes. She admits it’s her first time.

Arkell asks Spider if he’s seen Malakai. Spider says no.

Malakai receives a call. Amerie asks if he has somewhere to go. He says no before going back to bed. They have sex as the episode comes to an end.

 

Heartbreak High Review

The Incest Map is gradually becoming a thing of the past. Ca$h gets pulled into a sporting goods store robbery. Nan sticks her own neck out to save him from the police. He turns an offer down to hang out with Chook to spend the evening with Darren.

Harper apologizes to Amerie for hooking up with Dusty. Amerie pleads with her to open up about what happened between them, but she still refuses. Harper turns to Dusty for emotional support and Amerie gives up her virginity to Malakai. Unbeknownst to Amerie, Malakai was chosen to take part in the district basketball tryouts. Instead of attending practice, he stays in bed with her.

Ca$h and Darren spend the evening together. Will their friendship develop further or will Darren end up holding the bag?

Why add new characters when the cast is already oversaturated? Character development is the foundation of the show as it gives purpose and relevance. It also gives viewers reason to empathize and care about some characters.

The show continues to urge teenagers to be promiscuous. I hoping for more, but nothing has changed.

The episode deserves a 6.2. Get more Heartbreak High recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking the link.