Map B**tch – The episode begins with 5-year-old Amerie (Ishani Suhas) asking 6-year-old Harper (Indiana Jewel Clarke) what she’s drawing. Harper tells her it’s a crocodile. Amerie describes her drawing as “sh**.” Harper shoots her the bird.

Amerie Wadia (Ayesha Madon) and Harper McLean (Asher Yasbincek) admit they watch couples because they have no love life. They mock a couple (Hannah Rogers and Kyren William Marinos) makes out in front of the lockers. They document hook-ups on their “Incest Map.”

Amerie is putting on her makeup when a boy throws cheese at her. Irate, she demands her mum stop him from recording her for TikTok. Her mum sarcastically says she looks like a member of an unhappy family. She shoots the bird while walking out the door where Sasha So (Gemma Chua-Tran) is waiting in her car. Amerie asks where Harper’s at. Sasha claims she last saw her a week ago at the festival.

Sasha’s at a red light when a convertible with three guys pulls up beside her. Jayden (Ari McCarthy) jokingly says, “Nice car,” all the guys burst out laughing. Amerie dumps her drink on him, all the girls burst out laughing. He calls her a “sl**.” She screams, “Ra**st.”

Sasha pulls up in the parking lot at Hartley High School. She asks if she’s going to talk to Dusty Reid (Josh Heuston). Amerie tells her that she plans to play it cool. Dusty asks how was her holiday. She says, “Fine.” While giddily bragging that Dusty spoke to her, she bumps into Darren Rivers (James Majoos) and Quinni Gallagher-Jones (Chloe Hayden). Darren describes her as a “rude pick-me bit**.” Quinni suggests she didn’t see them. He tells her that they are “exquisite jellyfish.”

A student alerts that there is an Incest Map on the old stairwell. Amerie watches in horror as the students check out the map.

After suggesting Spider (Bryn Chapman Parish) is responsible, Darren says the Incest Map is mostly “bullsh**.” Missy Beckett (Sherry-Lee Watson) asks if he feels the same about Greta. Harper’s shaved hair draws a stir when she enters the gym. Woodsy (Rachel House) refers to herself as a “woke woman” who likes sex as much as the next person. She warns the students that the Incest Map has jeopardized their reputations and the school. She says the parents of every student included in the map will be contacted. The students raise a fuss when she bans future parties. She assures them that the culprit will be found.

As Amerie calls for Harper, Woodsy demands she follow her. After claiming a maintenance worker saw her in the stairwell several times, Woodsy asks for her accomplice’s name. Amerie tells her that she didn’t have an accomplice. Woodsy asks if the students consented to sex and wore protection. Amerie denies knowledge of how the sex played out. Woodsy threatens expulsion if she gets out of the line.

After complimenting Harper’s hair, Amerie denies telling Woodsy that she’s her accomplice. Harper assures her that she doesn’t care. Amerie reminds her that she’s her best friend. Harper says not any longer before telling her to “fu** off.” When Amerie asks her what she done wrong, Harper shoves her backward and follows up with a punch. A fight ensues and ends with Amerie getting head butt. While lying on the floor, she has flashbacks of their experiences together.

As Amerie emerges from the nurse’s office, a male student asks why she made the Incest Map. Another student complains that his mum will kill him. Harper, Missy, and Sasha turn to walk away. Amerie asks Sasha if she’s taking Harper’s side. Sasha accuses her of ratting the students out. Amerie tells her that Harper helped make the map. Sasha suggests she work on herself away from them.

Quinni asks two students if they’re familiar with a “lazy kebab.” Darren tells her it means “giant flaps” before looking down at her lower body. She claims Spider hasn’t seen them. After labeling Spider an “incel,” Darren says no one knows what goes through his mind. She suggests someone assess her flaps. Darren refuses when Woodsy calls Ameria, Harper, Sasha, Dusty, Darren, Quinni, Ant Vaughn (Brodie Townsend), Ca$h (Will McDonald), and Malakai Mitchell (Thomas Weatherall) to her office.

Spider nicknames Amerie “Map Bit**.” Malakai takes the seat beside her. When he looks at her, she calls him a “cu**.” He sarcastically says it’s nice to meet her as well. Ca$h shows up late. Dusty asks Spider if he’s going to the cemetery tomorrow. Darren questions what’s going on at the cemetery. Ca$h tells him it’s none of his business. Jojo Obah (Chika Ikogwe) reminds the students that their names were on the map. She informs them that they are going to take part in a “sexual literacy tutorial,” a class geared toward intimacy and sex. Darren says, “SLT” before suggesting the students are “sl**s.” Malakai assures them that he doesn’t belong in the class because it’s his first day.

Woodsy orders the students to walk around the room and shake hands with three students. All the students refuse to shake hands with Amerie. Woodsy sarcastically diagnoses Spider with “genital crabs.” She asks the students who shook Spider’s hand to raise their hands and the students who shook their hands to raise their hands. She diagnoses the students with “genital crabs.”

Dusty points out that a gold line connects their names together. He asks if they got together. She assures him that it means nothing. Malakai asks what’s up with the map as she flees.

Ca$h asks Harper if she’s all right. She tells him to “fu** right off.” He walks away without speaking.

Amerie chomps down on some potato chips in the restroom while Quinni takes pictures of her flap. Quinni tells Amerie that she understands how she feels. Amerie assures her that she doesn’t know. Quinni admits to mistaking a Giant Gumnut for a hard dog turd. She claims her classmates nicknamed her Giant Gumnut. Amerie tells her to leave her alone. Quinni asks if she will look at her vagina. Amerie says no while fleeing the restroom. Darren reminds her that Amerie added her name to the Incest Map. She says it was Spider who told everyone. Darren reminds her that Amerie never realized they existed.

Woodsy and Jojo discuss the best approach to teaching sex education. She warns that the school’s funding will be reduced if enrollment isn’t up by next year. Jojo says the current coursework may not be the best approach. Woodsy suggests she try it anyway.

JoJo tells Amerie that her map is “beautiful and poetic.” Amerie says thanks. Jojo assures her that she will survive high school. A student in a second-floor window calls her “Psycho Map Bitch.” She busts the window out with a rock before running away.

The Incest Map is being painted over.

After sex, Darren heads to Harry’s for a job interview. He asks the interviewer if Harry’s banned Hartley High students. She describes the school as “disgraceful” before offering him temporary employment.

Bobby (Justin Cotta) and Anne (Bolude Watson) greet Darren. Bobby informs him that he and his friends are going to watch the game later. Darren suggests he doesn’t want him there. Bobby tells Meredith that he’s always thinking the worse. While blowing an air horn, Darren reminds him it’s “they.” Bobby warns him that his buddies shouldn’t be required to learn the terminology. Darren sarcastically assures him that he striving to make less sense. Anne recommends staying the night with his father. Darren angrily tells them to “enjoy their chicken sandwiches” before leaving.

Amerie informs Justin (Ben Oxenbould) that she and Harper got into a fight at school. He assures her that they’ll work it out.

Harper has dinner with a family.

Huma (Sandy Sharma) scolds Amerie for staying out late. When Huma demands they talk about sex, Amerie says no on the way to her room. Huma informs her that she’s grounded.

Darren asks Jacob if he can stay over for the night. Jacob claims no one is permitted to spend the night. Darren reminds him it wasn’t a problem last week. Jacob accuses him of stealing his stuff. Raising his voice, Darren says his room stinks. The students open their doors to see what’s happening.

Quinni researches lazy kebab when Darren calls. Darren takes a seat beside a large rock next to the ocean.

Amerie cuts her hair.

Huma removes the cover to discover Amerie haphazardly cut her hair.

Darren changes into his work uniform in a public restroom.

Amerie asks Huma if she can do homeschool. Huma says no. Ca$h picks up a delivery order at Harry’s. Darren asks him to tell anyone who asks that he goes to Brunos. He secretively snaps a photo of Amerie before joining her at a nearby booth. She accepts his offer to fix her bangs.

Quinni asks Amerie why Harper hit her. She says they were at a music festival when Harper changed. Quinni asks if losing her popularity makes her sad. She nods her head. They do scream therapy. Amerie tells her that she’s sorry about the lazy kebab. Quinni says she’s no longer mad. Darren tells her that she’s changed. Amerie suggests not getting used to it because she’s changing schools. Darren pleads with her to stay at Hartley High before suggesting they go to the cemetery.

Malakai runs up to greet Amerie at the cemetery. She tells him that it seems like everyone is staring at her. He assures her that it’s him before hitting the dance floor. Darren, Quinni, and Amerie join him.

Quinni gives Spider a notebook of vagina pictures. He asks what’s this crap. She asks if he doesn’t like vaginas. He assures her that he does like vaginas. After accusing him of lying about seeing her vagina, she asks if he did the same with other girls’ vaginas. He admits they didn’t have sex because he’d never do a “fu**nut” like her. Sasha describes what she did as “amazing.”

Darren informs Ca$h that Harry’s hired him. After reminding him that he’s 18 and failed, Darren asks why he still goes to school. Ca$h claims he has reasons.

Dusty tells Amerie that he’s been giving some thought to the planet being destroyed in 50 years. She says hopefully their generation will see it’s fixed. He asks why their names were together on the Incest Map. She admits to liking him a long time ago. He kisses her.

Harper’s doing her business when Amerie asks why she no longer wants to be friends. After a short discussion, Harper says she no longer wants Amerie in her life.

Quinni asks Amerie if it’s time to leave. Amerie tells her it isn’t necessary for her to leave. Quinni assures her that she does have to leave. Darren describes the night as “weird.” Amerie promises to not let Harper win.

The police show up at the cemetery. The students scatter. Dusty assists Harper over a gate when she injures her arm. They hold hands while fleeing the cops.

Amerie starts a new Incest Map with Dusty fu**ed Harper as the episode comes to an end.

 

Heartbreak High Review

To sum it up, the dialogue is hit-and-miss. It was difficult to determine if the show was meant to be a comedy, drama, or both. Some of the scenes are moot while others delve into Harper and Amerie’s complicated relationship. Amerie cannot wrap her head around what happened to Harper that made her want to break their friendship forever. With two new friends – Darren and Quinni – by her side, she decides to show Harper she won’t win.

The show failed to be a positive influence on teens with questions about sex. Teens don’t always have informed adults willing to tell them the truth about sex. When the wrong information gets into their hands, unprotected sex is on the table. In 2018, approximately 180,000 adolescent girls between the ages of 15 and 19 gave birth. The same year, approximately 13 million new cases of sexually transmitted infections between the ages of 15 and 24 were reported in the US. Teens need to know sex comes with risks, which the show barely touched on. Making light of a serious problem – STD – is only going to give a false impression it doesn’t exist.

The cinematography, editing, and acting are above par. The near-nudity scenes were completely unnecessary. It’s unfortunate, but the alcohol scenes were to be expected. It seems, all teen films feature alcohol and drug use, including Heartbreak High. It would be nice to see a show take the high road, but it’s too much to ask.

The episode deserves a 6. Get more Heartbreak High recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking the link.