Vampire Mythology Bulls**t – The show begins with Shanika “Neeks” (Shantae Barnes-Cowan) propels down into the bloodsucker tunnel. When she realizes her rope falls into the hole, she curses. Screeching noises can be heard in the distance. She has a flash of Jalingbirri fighting off bloodsuckers inside the tunnel. Tyson Walker (Rob Collins) drives at a high rate of speed. She props a piece of wood up against the wall and tries to get out. Tyson arrives at the tunnel entrance to find Shanika’s motorcycle. He angrily hits the steering wheel and says, “Sh**.”  Shanika sits on the ground.

Tyson gets out of the car, “No, no, no, Neeks.” He yells for her while trying to not disturb the bloodsuckers. He grabs his gear out of the car and decides which tunnel entrance to take. Shanika quietly cries. He propels down into the tunnel as the sun comes up. Frightened, Shanika walks deeper into the tunnel. Tyson searches for Shanika in the tunnel. Shanika studies the tunnel map and eventually removes her shoes. She covers her mouth to muffle a cough. Tyson is thrilled to find a fire opal.

A bloodsucker, with a fluorescent light, attacks Shanika from behind. She kills the bloodsucker, utilizing Jalingbirri’s gun. Tyson thankfully discovers Shanika’s shoes. He takes off in the direction of her footprints. When she shoots a bloodsucker, its fluorescent blood spews on her face before falling on top of her. She is not strong enough to push it off. She wiggles her fingers to alert Tyson she is alive. He pulls the bloodsucker off and helps her stand. He calls her stupid while giving her a hug. Dipping his hand into the blood, he smears it on both sides of his face.

They advance into the tunnel, discovering a wall of human skulls. She scales the skull wall and tosses him down a rope. At the top, they take a few steps and fall into a dark pit, where they are surrounded by bloodsuckers chained to a wall. They fight the vampires off in the pitch dark. With all the bloodsuckers dead, Tyson turns to Shanika, snarky saying “You’re welcome.” He pulls a vampire tooth out of her foot.

Shanika finds strange markings etched into the rock. A machine can be heard running deeper in the tunnel. A bloodsucker is working with a pump. Tyson quietly approaches from behind and stabs him in the back. They discover a wall filled with strange rock etchings and a door. She opens and quickly shuts it back. He opens it and suggests they go back the way they came. On the other side of the door, the Vampire King (Callan Mulvey) and bloodsucker Lucas (Sam Dugmore) are sleeping on a makeshift metal contraption. More bloodsuckers are sleeping on the ground.

Tyson has his gun pointed at a sleeping bloodsucker, with his eyes open. Shanika pushes the barrel downward and makes a gesture with her head to keep moving. They enter through a slit in a plastic curtain, where they find several rows of blood banks hanging on a rack. Several people, with IVs, are lying under a plastic sheet. She looks under a plastic sheet and starts to walk away. She lifts the plastic sheet again to see a woman who may be her mum. She breaks down into tears. The woman does not respond when she waves her hand in front of her eyes.

They watch two bloodsuckers assess the people to see if they are still alive. A male bloodsucker replaces a man who is dead. Tyson fires his weapon and wakes the King Vampire and the other. With the two vampires dead, Tyson grabs Shanika’s mother. The Vampire King and the other vampires are awoken by the gunshot. Shanika and Tyson emerge from behind the plastic curtain. They fire their weapons and kill several vampires. The Vampire King is injured during the battle. Lucas rushes him into the bleeder room as Tyson and Shanika fight their way out of the tunnel.

The Vampire King feeds on blood to heal his wounds. Tyson fights off the bloodsuckers to give Shanika enough time to stand up. She takes off running and jumps on the wood board. Tyson continues to fight off the vampires while she gradually climbs out of the tunnel. The Vampire King pulls Shanika’s boomerang out of his chest. He reads her name aloud before leaving the bleeder room.

Exhausted, Shanika makes it to freedom. She crawls over the rope tied to Tyson’s car. She throws it down into the tunnel. The winch pulls the rope up, with Tyson attached. She breaks down when she sees Tyson does not have her mum. They lay on the ground exhausted as the episode comes to an end.

 

Firebite Review

It’s becoming more obvious, little time was invested in trying to achieve an original, awe-inspiring vampire flick.  If anything, we are ready to turn and never look back.

The uncompelling fight scenes are a struggle to get through. Tyson fights off a pack of blood-thirsty vampires, while Shanika, with no urgency, indecisively struggles to toss him the rope. They are doing a great job, making Shanika look like a selfish brat.

The cinematography and camerawork are on the verge of a monotonous wash of muck. The flashing images in the fighting scenes are atrocious. What was the purpose of this episode? The show deserves a 5.

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