WLUDRV – The “Twisted Metal” premiere episode starts in a dystopian world with a voiceover by the protagonist of this tale, John Doe (Anthony Mackie). Doe gives a bit of an explanation about how and why the world now looks like the graveyard that it is. Apparently, 20 years ago some bug took down the world’s entire computer system. The power grid collapsed, the Internet went down, and without easily accessible porn people began to lose their minds. This ultimately led to the building of walls around the last surviving cities. Subsequently, criminals were tossed outside to fend for themselves. It didn’t help that the outside didn’t offer much more than cars and guns. That said, cities do have or can’t manufacture everything they need.
There is precious cargo that needs to be delivered from one city to the next. That’s where bad hombres like John come in. It’s not a path for everyone because, oftentimes, the cargo is so precious that any outsider wants what you have. Cars and guns can help, as long as you know how to use them. The opening car chase through a local mall proves that John knows how to leverage both, as he expertly takes down a regime of pursuing chasers.
After narrowly escaping by the skin of his teeth yet eliminating all his pursuers, John arrives at what is known as the 3 Rivers Community. Although he is a regular, he is greeted by a jumpy, new guard, Abner (Jordan Salloum) that isn’t familiar with him. Checking his ID then the “Got Milk?” decal on his car tells the guard that John is the Milk Man here with a delivery. Luckily, 3 Rivers Guard (Tj Sebastian) and Doug (Kevin Saunders) are quick on the scene to introduce the two. John quips with the new guard, referring to him as a virgin, and tells him that he has a “real big package” for him as he pops the trunk and the guards unload their precious cargo.
John doesn’t leave empty-handed as the guards also load his now empty trunk down with gas and supplies. The guards let John know that he is being tasked not only with delivering fresh batteries to the Gravesboro Colony, but San Francisco’s regularly scheduled medical delivery is up. As John reverses and speeds away the 3 River Guards check the validity of the “Milk Man’s” delivery. It is revealed to be two huge bags of dog food, as one of the guards excitedly announces, “Tonight we feast!”
The Gravesboro Settlement –Arriving at the Gravesboro settlement, John appears undeterred by the leashed dog man (Michael Buckley Stone). He even has a wrapped offering for John, which is revealed to be the Bosch Premiere Icon windshield wipers that he’s been after. Delivery made, John’s back on the road to his San Francisco delivery. Minutes later John admires the Icon’s performance as they wipe away the spilled blood of a crazed “vulture” (Ryan Reinike) that leaps from an overpass in an attempt to hijack John’s latest delivery. Simply flipping several overheard switches, John arms a dual rooftop installed mini machine gun and mows the man down without even slowing.
San Francisco Settlement – The scene at the San Francisco Settlement tells an entirely different tale than that of the Gravesboro Settlement. Pulling up to the main gates John has to carefully navigate his way through what looks like a homeless tent city. He refers to them as “pedestrians” before pulling to the main gates to be greeted by the familiar Bill (Matthew Rimmer). John confirms his fresh shipment of insulin and quips that life can only be good if the diabetes is that bad. As one of Bill’s henchmen collects the shipment from the trunk another delivers John a plastic case that is revealed to be a shiny new 6 shooter with several rounds of ammo. While admiring his new toy, Bill receives an urgent message through his earpiece and orders everyone to stop. The COO of New San Francisco, Raven (Neve Campbell) is requesting a special audience with John, inside. As the gates are opened and John drives in, the guards have to hold the perimeter to deter the “pedestrians” from trying to get in.
Wasting spending several minutes trying to Parallel Park between two Humvees, John is completely shocked when ordered to strip and subsequently hosed down. After the embarrassing debacle, John is bagged and delivered to the COO, Raven. Raven is not only proven to be hospitable by offering John a fresh beer, but she proves that she can quip with the best of them. After a bit of exchanging and admiration for John’s repeated deliveries, she proposes a job that even the formidable John immediately turns down. The job entailed him picking up a package and bringing it back, with two catches. Those catches are that John can’t know what the package is, which isn’t much of a problem. The problem is that the package is in New Chicago. John nearly chokes on his drink when he hears the offer. She merely has to force him to set back down, but at the same time offers him the key to all his dreams.
With her immense power, she can virtually give the man whatever he wants. What does John want? Unlimited gas, a new T-shirt, and toilet paper wouldn’t be bad. Instead, she offers a tour. She can do even better than that. She offers to make him a citizen.
Nevada – Elsewhere in Nevada, another car chase, similar to that of the one from the opening is underway. The biggest difference, however, is that this one takes place in a small forested area. A local cruiser and several dirt bikes close in on a hot pint hearse. It doesn’t take the hearse occupants long to realize that they need a change of plan or risk being captured. Loud (Richard Cabral) rummages around in the backseat through their loot, while declaring that if they are going to be effective thieves, they need to get more organized. As Quiet (Stephanie Beatriz) continues to expertly steer the large hearse through the small back dirt road, Loud finds what he was looking for. Seconds later he’s hanging out of the passenger side window, chucking grenades at their pursuers.
Slowing them but not managing to deter them, Agents Shepard (Jared Bankens) and Stone (Thomas Haden-Church) appropriately respond with missiles. Quiet and Loud mistakenly think this newly acquired gap is all they need to escape when Agent Stone begins flipping switches in his Cruiser. Instead of more misguided missiles, he activates some kind of landmine or trip mine that blows the hearse off the road and upside down in a culvert.
New San Francisco – At this point in her tour of the town, Raven has led John to the insides of a posh suburban home. Leaving him on his own to admire the spread, John realizes that this would be the perfect place for an ambush. He also remembers that he doesn’t have his weapons as he hears stirring from above. Luckily for him, it is Noah (Han Soto) with his and Raven’s newborn. Introducing the two, Raven reveals that John will be their dinner guest. Although he eats like a savage, they don’t apprise him with any unnecessary attention. Watching them with the baby brings back some familial feelings with John.
After the good meal and family time, Raven asks John what he thinks about the job again. He accepts and learns that he only has 10 days to pick up and deliver the package. A second over and the deal expires. Also unfortunate is the fact that he nearly wastes several good minutes maneuvering back out of the parking spot. As soon as he speeds away, Raven reveals herself to be an imposter, as she orders the guards to return the baby to its mother. She also has Noah’s payment waiting at his house for him.
Nevada – Back on the Nevada scene, Agent Shepard has Loud and Quiet pulled from the vehicle and sitting on the ground for Agent Stone to question. Rather than question them, however, he busts into an old story that his father used to tell him. It was about a police chief that cleaned up the scourge of Manhattan using the theory that, “several little sins could wash away that of huge sins.” No tolerance or no mercy for even the smallest of crimes led to a crime-free area. Agent Stone wants to utilize that same theory on a much larger scale and plans on starting right here with these two lovers. It is Loud that quickly points out they are not lovers, but brother and sister with the same father. Agent Stone knows what brothers and sisters are. Before leaving her to stew, Agent Stone tosses down a bullet for the 6 shooter just, in case, Quiet wants to take the same way out as her brother.
Stone proceeds by offering them a unique proposal that at first seems like they are going to turn down. He throws a loaded 6 shooter between the two and gives one of them the option of killing themselves and saving the other or having his men execute both of them. Looking into each other’s eyes and holding hands, they nod and close their close. Loud quickly grabs the handgun and blows his brains out. Still clutching at her brother’s shirt, Stone is drawn to the lady’s missing middle finger and quips that’s why she’s quiet, she’s from Orange County. He also unpins his star from his shirt and has his cohorts heat it with a torch. As if branding her, he has his men burn the emblem into her arm. They have also tagged the pink hearse with a permanent marker, “REGISTERED.”
Tommy’s Tour Guide – John gears up for his mission by stopping by an old acquaintance’s place for directions. He nearly gets blown sky-high by an unseen tripwire at the front entrance. Thankfully, Tommy (Lou Beatty Jr.) quickly disengages it. Tommy appears to be quite the tour guide when he reveals his immense collection of maps. Despite his familiarity with travel, Tommy is left aghast when he learns that John plans on heading east. Although he gives him a map and shows him the way, Tommy attempts to stress the mistake John is making by pointing out that the people trying to enforce the law out there are far more dangerous than any “vulture” he’s encountered locally. Taking the map and leaving a small box of crayons behind, Tommy is quick to remind him that he doesn’t have to go through Vegas; they both know who runs Vegas.
Vegas – Quickly showing the desolate scene in Vegas, Sweet Tooth (Nuufolau Joel Seanoa aka Samoa Joe) is shown in the back of his eponymous ice cream truck dancing while laughing menacingly. Faith would have it that John runs into Quiet in the middle of the Nevada desert on his way to Vegas. The meeting doesn’t go his way when he finds himself at the opposite end of her barrel. She gets the upper hand on him when he takes his eyes off her for a split second to retrieve his weapon from Evelyn’s glove compartment. They reach a bit of an impasse when John regains the upper hand with a pulled knife as he is being forced from his vehicle. Luckily for both of them, they are about to encounter a formidable enemy that will require a co-effort to eliminate.
Twisted Metal Review
I had high hopes for this new series, and I am proud to say the premiere episode nearly exceeded them. Don’t get me wrong, the acting isn’t superb, but the story, the Easter eggs, and even the action scenes work. The shorter episodes also eliminate the need for a bunch of fluff. Some of the humor might make my skin crawl at times, but all in all, it’s honestly not bad. I have been a fan of Anthony Mackie since his early days in “The Wire,” and absolutely loved him in the “Pain & Gain” documentary. Mackie delivers with quick, witty humor.
To be completely honest, it feels like everything works fairly well here. An incredible throwback to the old games, and for that, I would give the episode a 6 out of 10.
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