Veteran Presence – The show begins with a rap video. Shoresy (Jared Keeso) introduces a veteran to Nat (Tasya Tales). She asks him to identify the veteran. He says, “Dolo.” They go back and forth about what’s a rap singer. He asks if she has decided to order. She questions what order he is talking about. Sanguinet (Harlan Blayne Kytwayhat) reminds her of requesting a plan. Miigwan (Keilani Elizabeth Rose) fills her in on the plan. She claims they sent a PDF about “sl**s” that they were interested in adding to the team roster. Sanguinet denies the allegations. Ziigwan (Blair Lamora) adds, “Hockey players.”
Turning to Sanguinet, Shoresy asks why they have a GPS file. Confused, Sanguinet, questions what he is talking about. Shoresy reminds him of how they stored the data in a “duotang.” Now, Nat is confused. Shoresy repeats his previous question, but this time, he refers to the file as a “PBS.” Sanguinet admits he and Miigwan wanted to defuse any issues, so they went out for sandos. Shoresy assures him that no one is worried about his squeezer rumor. Sanguinet comes clean about sending the plan in a PDF. Miiwang tells them to hand over the duotangs anyway. Nat asks if Dolo is a rapper or hockey player. Shoresy questions why they can’t do it in order. Ziigwang threatens to kick him.
Shoresy hands everyone a duotang of the plan. Nat reminds him of what he said about the players not loving to win. He corrects her by saying they don’t hate losing. Ziiwang suggests that is why the team didn’t win a game all season. Nat questions if the names listed in their plan are the guys who teach the kids how to play hockey. Shoresy says, “Veteran presence.” Miigwang show them a newspaper article titled “Bulldogs: If We Lose, We Fold. Sudbury: No One Cares.” Sanguinet is cut off by Shoresy while trying to make a suggestion about the opening.
Shoresy says the first name on the list is a friend named Goody. Ziigwan is not impressed by his pick. He asks if she is familiar with Goody. She accuses him of throwing a fit about the duotang, only to provide a buddy’s name. He tells her that she is uglier than her sister. Miigwan comes to her defense. Sanguinet tries to comment but is cut off by Ziigwan who describes Shoresy as the “dumbest sounding fu** ever.” He assures her that he is under no obligation to give them a presentation because the new players are already hired. When he admits the players have already boarded the plane, Sanguinet says ice cream is stocked.
Nat asks him about the first player, Brent Goodleaf (Andrew Antsanen). In unison, Sanguinet and Shoresy correct her mispronunciation of Goodleaf’s name, saying Brant “Goody.” Ziigwan points out that the duotang only provides an image of Brant. She criticizes him for not capitalizing his name. He says Goody is from Six Nations. Ziigwan poking fun at him is enough to force Shoresy to abort his presentation. Nat threatens to end the deal if he walks out. He complains about being peppered. She asks which league Goody played in. He says Lacrosse before admitting he no longer plays hockey. Goody appears on the screen hitting the puck. Nat questions if she invested in a guy who no longer plays hockey. Sanguinet corrects her, saying she invested in four guys who no longer play hockey. Ziigwan threatens to kick him, again.
He assures her they are “studs” who can play hockey. He reminds her that no active hockey player is going to transfer to Sudbury. Sanguinet tells them that playing hockey is like riding a bike. Nat admits she wants to “shoot herself in the face.”
The next player on the list is Jonathan “Dolo” Diaby who hails from Blainville, Quebec. Diaby appears on the screen, hitting pucks. Shoresy says he is a major clapper. Ziigwan questions if guys are referring to their penises as clappers. Sanguinet tells her it is a hockey play. Nat watches Dolo’s music video. She asks when was the last time he played hockey. Sanguinet says a few years ago. He claims Dolo was pelted with racial slurs during a live game.
Shoresy introduces the next player on his list as Ted “Hitch” Hitchcock (Terry Ryan). He points out that Ted’s name pronounced fast sounds like “ten-inch cock.” He says Hitch is a fan of martinis like Goody likes chicken. He warns them that Hitch’s English is not very good because he is from Newfoundland. Ziigwan refers to him as a “Newfie.”
Miigwan introduces the last player, Jean-Jacques “Frankie” “JJ” Francois (Max Bouffard) who made the news. Shoresy says he played in the National Senior Championship.
Shoresy rides Frankie’s back during a game. Shoresy calls him a “pizza face” and “fat ass.” Frankie tells him to look at the scoreboard, which reads zero to 5. Shoresy clips him in the back of the legs with his hockey stick. Frankie hobbles off the ice while two referees double-team Shoresy to get him off the ice. Miigwan questions why Frankie would agree to take his call. Sanguinet informs them that Frankie is a lady’s man in Quebec. Images of Frankie with several women pop up on the screen. Miigwan asks why Frankie is coming to Sunbury. Sanguinet says they will arrive soon on a flight from Toronto. Nat invites everyone over to her place for a drink. Ziigwan and Shoresy continue to go at it, with her telling him to “suck her di**.”
Sanguinet and Shoresy are waiting when his four picks arrive. With Sanguinet driving, all six players cram into an SUV. Shoresy orders him to turn the volume down.
Shoresy informs the players of his one rule, no one touches the birds. Dolo asks the bird’s name. Shoresy says, “Big Sexy.” When he speaks to the Big Sexy, his reply is “tit fu**er.” They choose bunkmates. Shoresy informs them of there being plenty of ice cream. They ask what kind. He says they have drumsticks. Goody says he likes sticks. Everyone eats a drumstick ice cream. Frankie remembers that he forgot to contact his parents. While talking on the phone, Shoresy runs the players down for not contacting their parents when they arrived in Sudsbury.
At the Doghouse, Shoresy meets Laura Mohr (Camille Sullivan). As he takes a seat, he admits to not wanting to be there talking to her. He jokes about having special feelings for her. She asks how he and the other plays feel about never losing another game. He throws the question back at her. She tells him that she doesn’t care. He assures her that he will not stop until she gives him a shoulder pad. She says a shoulder pad would be more than she has gave any man in a long time. He jokingly claims to be vulnerable around her. She laughs at him. He guarantees her that he would be good to her.
Laura reminds him of how he wheeled two of his friends’ mothers in Letterkenny. He denies being friends with the two guys. He is surprised when she asks him to text her the score when the game is over. She tells him that it is her turn to take care of the children this weekend. He warns her that a score will not get her a good story. She denies caring about the game.
As the guys are packed inside an SUV, Shoresy asks if they like paninis. He receives a call from Nat who informs her that tough Natives are in jail. Sunguinet describes tough Natives as “redundant.” He asks if they are really in jail. She tells him that is where they work. He accuses her of eluding to tough Natives being in jail. She describes his comment as “racist.” He assures her it was nothing more than a “misunderstanding,” not a racist comment.
Shoresy informs three players they didn’t make the little mingler. He assures them that there is plenty of time to build the team. He calls off the players – Goody, JJ, Hitch, Shoresy, and Dolo – who made it. He repeats what he told Nat and the girls about Ted’s name when spoken quickly sounds like a “ten-inch cock.” Hitch claims people have called him worse names. He yells roll call and the three players who didn’t make the little mingler say their names. Jim (Jon Marasty), Jim (Brandon Nolan), and Jim (Jordan Nolan). He suggests they take nicknames, but they refuse. He warns them that it could cause confusion during games. Hitch suggests pronouncing each Jim differently. Shoresy asks if he is having a stroke. Hitch suggests asking them how they want to be referred. The three players refuse to be called versions of Jim. He gives up.
Nat and Miigwan discuss the players. She describes Sanguinet as a “cutie-patootie.” Nat suggests never falling for hockey players, just “take em’ down.” Miigwan asks if she would do it. She agrees to let a caribou take her down if it means filling seats. Shoresy and the guys talk about popcorn chicken and popcorn shrimp. Miigwan tries to explain how only men can take down caribou, not women. The guys continue talking about food. Both the guys and girls talk about Dutch names. They name off eight kids from the Dutch Apeldoorn family. Sanguinet tells them that Dutch people have a bunch of kids to do farm work. Shoresy and Sanguinet give a brief overview of the eight Apeldoorn players.
As the guys eat, Ziigwan and Shoresy continue to go it. Miigwan informs the guys a new sponsor was needed to cover the new sluts’ expenses. Dolo asks what sluts are. Nat says the “Sudbury Blueberry Festival” has grown into a major tourist attraction since it debuted 35 years ago. The organization has agreed to help pay for the new sluts. Shoresy reads the name on the new jersey. He questions if the team has been renamed Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs. Ziigwan congratulates him for learning to read. Sanguinet says it’s great before Shoresy cuts him off. Nat orders him to do his job as there were no other options.
While in the box, a Cory (Bourke Cazabon) teases Shoresy about the team’s new name. A player sitting on the bench calls the team the “Sudbury Sour Patch Kids.” The players don’t’ let up with the jokes. Shoresy doesn’t have a response. He skates over to Laura to question why she is covering the Apeldorns, not the Bulldogs. She reminds him that no one cares. Corey describes the new name as “embarrassing.” Shoresy agrees with him before hitting him and Liam (Keegan Long) with a joke about their mothers.
The Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs go to a bar for drinks. Hitch makes eye contact with a sexy woman on the dance floor. Turning around, he finds himself face-to-face with Phil (Jon Ambrose). They have a stare-off while the rest of the team gathers behind Hitch. He removes his partial. Seconds later, a beaten Phil is propped up against a metal rail. The Blueberry Bulldogs stare at Phil and several other men laying on the floor.
The Blueberry Bulldogs, with Shoresy in the lead, hit the ice as the episode comes to an end.
Shoresy Review
There are less than 25 minutes to get the story across. Why fill the intro with a music video? The airtime would’ve been more effectively utilized for character development, which is still lacking.
Enough with the insults already. There is a difference between ribbing and being downright offensive, infantile, and vulgar.
Referring to male hockey players as “sl**ts” is inappropriate. What if the shoes were turned and the hockey players were female? There would be outrage from every angle.
The dialogue is incomprehensible due to the extremely fast pace. There was so much time wasted on Shoresy’s presentation, that the other scenes felt rushed.
Please explain how it is racist to assume someone is in jail. The scene in which Sanguinet tells the others a drunken fan calls Dolo a racist slur should’ve been scrapped. People turn to films to escape politics. There is a hidden agenda here, besides weak writing.
The episode is an insult to hockey and Canadians. It deserves a 5. Get more Shoresy recaps here. Support Reel Mockery by clicking on the link.
Jay Skelton is a fan of all television shows and movies. He tries his best to keep up with the latest foreign television shows and movies. Jay loves skinny dipping in the dark too.
